The 3 Little Piggies

A children story is told of the 3 little pigs who were running away from the big bad wolf. For reasons only known to the three little pigs, maybe family in-fightings or ethnic discord, they decided that instead of building one strong house, they shall build 3 different houses. If you have read the story you know that other than 3 houses being hopelessly expensive (but of course maybe the pigs came from wealth), 2 pigs ended up losing their lives and the last one lived a snobbish life in the brick suburbs. Here's the story of my 3 little pigs.

1st little pig: He who refused to go back to his house of straw: So a few months ago, I declared the end of my dating drought. It had been 2 years plus since I had gone off and discovered myself, I was now happy, I liked my life and I was ready to take this new me to the next level. So, I jockingly call a friend and announce my new decision to come back to the world. It wasn't meant to be anything serious really but my friend was attending some office drink up near my place. Best foot put forward, face oiled to a vaseline shine, I was stepping out. In retrospect, I should probably not have put on that vaseline since it attracted the fast-talking piggie from the house of straw. He seemed pretty decent, had a face only a mother and a handful of women could love but he was quite decently tall. But whatever I was drinking thought it could overlook little annoying things....like the fact that he always talked over me, that he had a very short chin line etc etc. Blame the dim lighting and the secondary smoke, but I let him crash over at my place. The next morning, I shower, dress up, run errands, come back and this little piggie was still asleep. I really should have taken him seriously when he said "You know I once cashed at my cousin's for 4 days".Which grown man does that? After much probing, I got him out and realised that this will not do. It will not do at all. His story continues shortly though..........

2nd little pig: He who built his house with sticks of lies: A few weeks later of listening to the pig that hurried my conversations, came this little piggie and boy, was he a cute little piggie. Painted by the very hand of God himself. We are not all created equally people. This was the gene pool mother load. Why he has not considered a career in modelling is beyond me. He would mint a fortune. He is quite brilliant too, but he talked sooo slowly but it was cool, at least he was funny. After weeks of talking everyday and not meeting, one sunny Sunday morning, he called and said, he shall be coming over. I was like surely it can't be any worse than the first little pig. He came and he was almost too pretty to look at. It started well enough. We hang out, we talked, we flirted. Then came the constant dodginess. We always hang out at my place (I used to drop him off at a busstop), I got called at very specific times, we were talking about me alot (contrary to popular belief, talking continously about myself makes me a tad uncomfortable). The red flag was up, my 6th sense soldiers were saluting and putting their guns on the ready. When he became overly dodgy, he eventually told me there is a woman somewhere. I picked up my bag and quietly closed the door behind me. If there was a woman, then he's just a bastard. If there wasn't, then he is a bastard and a liar. I felt slightly disrespected. We talk sometimes,say hi sometimes, even wished each other a merry christmas, but I took apart his house and made firewood. A fire is the most reliable source of warmth, or so I hear.

........Back to piggie number 1: Let's burn this house down: So a few weeks into house of lies, I saw piggie number 1 crossing the street. Courtesy told me to call and check up on him. Courtesy should have been on leave that day. After exchanging pleasantries, I hang up and continued living my sedentary life. That evening Mr. short chin calls and says he is waaay to drunk to drive home, could he come over and crash on the couch. I am not stupid to think he really meant he wanted to sleep but courtesy being on overdrive that day, I say why not. And anyway, who wants the blood of a drunk driving accident on her hands? 5 minutes later, he walks in and yes he was drunk as a skunk. This little piggie cannot sleep on the coouch/this little piggie cannot sleep on the floor/this little piggie cannot sleep in the guest bedroom. Not with the door locked, and not with the door open. This little piggie was screaming out for his blood to be spilled by the Nyeri woman. Hours later, I make sure he's settled in on the couch asleep and I go to bed. A few hours after that, I feel something climb into MY bed. The nyeri woman had been woken up and she was not well pleased. She huffed and she puffed AND SHE BURNT THAT HOUSE DOWN!! and she was well pleased.

3rd little pig: He who is at the kiln burning bricks: After a few days of deep, relaxing breathing, motivational talks and wondering why I had decided to rejoin this shameless world. I was doing so well by myself. The only stress I got was from me, the only lies I heard were my own. Then came this lovely little foreign piggie. And now this little foreign pig is sneaking his way as I try to sweep away the ashes of his 2 unfortunate friends.I can feel him bringing in brick by painstaking brick. Although I have to admit, it's nice not to have to worry too much about things. It's a comfortable existence so far and I am enjoying it. I know he's pretending to help me sweep while all the while he builds his brick house around me but...oh well!YOLO!!! He may not have enough mortar to build, he may decide to bring down the house himself and carry his bricks away. I may just end up being who I am and burn the house down but I do wish him all the best in his endevours and *secretly I do wish he doesn't have any strange habits so that he can keep me safe from the cruel world a little longer* the big bad wolf said in a whisper.

The lessons I have learnt in the years since I decided to self discover, and the very short experience of dating is: I can only have solid brick layers in my life. I don't want collectors of sticks and straws. I cannot deal with that particular brand of weakness.... I really just can't.