Monday, June 18, 2012
Lead Me ( Happy Father's Day)
I love my dad. It's not something I hide. Mostly because he's an awesome character with an awesome personality and also because I'm a self-proclaimed daddy's girl. :-) But today I shall talk about all fathers especially those who have tried and have worked and fought; this post goes out to all of them. Yesterday was Father's Day, a day less celebrated than Mother's Day and even less so than Valentine's Day, the wife's birthday, the mother's chama's 6 month anniversary and the baby's first tooth removal. The only time he's celebrated is maybe his birthday and if his team wins the Championship Final or F1...and that is a big IF!! I do believe fathers are the world's unsung heroes yet their impact on a child is just as important if not more than a others. Their absence or presence, their action or inaction, the words or their silence. Even in the family set up, men still run the world. Their touch and voice still mean everything. Children will still run to the hills when the discipline is from the father. So, how do we equip men to be leaders of the home? How do we make them appreciated for their efforts and sacrifice? How do we make them know, that what they do means as much to everyone as they should. Maybe even if it doesn't include sending gifts and declaring undying love from the roof tops, we should consider our actions and embrace the outcome. So here are my few subjective suggestions. Be patient: As everyone well knows, men have a unique slowness that I can only describe as an underdeveloped left brain. Be patient with it. When he doesn't react as fast as he should because some 12th division team in Scotland is playing soccer at 8 am. Don't throw tantrums. At least not immediately. When it takes time for him to know his way around a diaper and forgets to give medicine to the child because they were outside building sandcastles and playing horsie, just remember, you matured much faster than he did. So he still has some ways to go. Be kind and try not to get easily angered: If he is trying to help, truly and honestly, do not criticise. At least not always. Be kind. Encourage it. Stand by him. Comfort him. Teach him. Be kind to his needs just the same way you need him to be kind to yours. Try and stay calm at all times because at some point, all the anger you keep for his behaviour will eventually hurt you and unfortunately affect the kids. Don't shout at him in public. That does not encourage the help you so seek. Stop the envy: Don't get pissed that he has a life over and beyond yours. You chose to ignore all that your life was and made the kids your only priority. Not that it is the wrong thing, but he didn't make that decision with you. He still has his boys, his work, his issues. If he has a night out with the boys occasionally to just get away from the world, let him. Don't guilt trip him into thinking that he's doing a crime. If he's willing to watch the kids while you get pampered at the spa or hanging out with the girls, then stop the envy and the guilt-tripping him. Don't boast,don't be proud and don't be self-seeking: The woman may have carried the baby for 9 months but both parents nurture him/her for the next century. Don't boast about how much you can do as a woman, how you work at the office and then work at home. How strong you are and how much you have had to bear. If he's trying his best to be the best that he can be in the house, don't diminish his efforts. Women are strong and they need to make the man believe he's stronger than he really is, especially in the home front. He will flail from time to time but with the right direction, he will thrive. And also don't forget, your children carefully watch your actions towards him. Do you want them going round putting other people down? Do not dishonor him: Do not talk about his manhood, his bedroom behaviour or his fatherhood shortcomings. Not in front of his friends and most importantly not in front of the children. Do not beat him,verbally or physically, even if you are from Nyeri. Do not put him down especially when he's at his lowest and do not act like the man of the house because, there's already is a man in the house. Always protect him, always trust him: He may not be too sure of what he's doing, but if he has promised to provide, then trust him. If he has promised never let you go, then trust him. Protect his image from the world. Protect his weaknesses, protect his pain. Don't go saying how he put the diapers inside out or how his own child just can't stand him. Protect his ego. Let everything that happens in your family be left in the family. Your girlfriends don't need the details. Of course this also applies to men too. That they may do the same to the mother of their children. After all, raising children shouldn't be a one-way street. Hope and persevere for yourselves as parents and for the children. You want to be the people they want to grow up and become, not the ones they are forever running away from. So, to all father's out there who are struggling, fighting, loving and caring for their children, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!