And tonight's award goes to.......

This is not the first time I have mentioned my ongoing affair with Eminem's music.I watched him perform this song with THE Dr. Dre at the Grammy's last night and I thought, wololo! I would so like to be Skylar right now. There some things that make suffering from Insomnia worth it. That he and Jay zed are the few rappers who I can stand performing live. (or in my case a month later on a stage!)Google that performance.It was quite something.

Anyway, while I was watching this and the eventual more obvious winning of Recovery for Album of The Year, I decided that some day in the future, I want to win an award of some sort. Not for the fame and fortune but just so that I can give that speech and act teary and tuma salaams to all the people I know! And don't they have a memory for names and people. Its like a down pour. So yesterday, I prepared speech to receive that award (Nobel Peace Prize anyone :))

(After a furore of hugs and tears and ridiculous and confusing hand movement! See dress and the shoes I will wear to that stage below!)

Dress

shoes

After I have allowed people and cameras from the world over to bask in my beauty and flawlessly made up face...I will stumble emotionally to the stage pretending not to show off my glamorous legs but doing so anyway. I shall hug tightly the people who called me onto the stage. Not because I like them but because I want them to smell my designer smell. Bask in my smell people!

The award will be something abstract and meaningless like this: (But who cares!)



So after another flurry of activities on stage, I shall turn my staged teary face to the Mic:

"First and foremost, I would like to thank The Almighty (lift award and wave around and remember, never God,maybe My Father in heaven) for this enormous talent that He has given me. I know I would be nothing with out Him. (sniffle on cue!) I am so humbled not only to be chosen for this prestigious award but for even merely being nominated alongside such great people (wipe tear all lady like-look up and fan eyes with well manicured hand!). It is such an honour to stand before such great men and women such as (name dropping maneno yote!Mention all the ones who may affect your future). First I'd like to thank my family. My mum and dad (look keenly in their direction-even though there are blinding stage lights) for all their love and support through this project. To my brothers (name drop again) for standing by me through it all. Up until this moment I never thought I would stand up on this stage but you believed in me 125% and for that I am thankful to the both of you. I'd also like to thank my producer (insert name), manager (insert name), all the people at Mashambani ya Mtaa records (insert many random names), I would like to really appreciate you (I would not be proudly Kenyan without this statement!)You have been such a great support system and you know you made this happen. To my boyfriend/ husband/life partner/dog (insert name), I want to thank you for your patience. For sitting with me late at night. For being there, I am truly grateful.(sniffle on cue!) Oh my God, this is so humbling to be up here. This is so unbelievable To all my friends (insert many random names-not forgetting very specifically the hood, time and place of meeting like Jere from Jeri, Njeri at Dago, Mose from Westi etc etc), tumetoaka mbali tu sana. You are the best, most supportive people a girl could ever have. And most of all to all the fans who listened to my work, you never cease to inspire and amaze! This would never have happened without you"

(And to the grand finale)

"I LOVE YOU NAIROBI. DON'T STOP DREAMING!"

I will then fist pump my award in the air, make one more statutory wiiping of a stray tear and walk off the stage. Clapping, standing ovation, celebrity status acquired and cemented.

As you have already guessed, award shows are about mentioning as many names as possible and showing off. So, my good people, get your pens out and start writing. You never know when you might need to send salaams to your mashinani peeps infront of thousands of well dressed people!

Disclaimer: After several complaints from my future fans Christine and Wangui, I've laid out 2 more pairs of shoes: :)