I pride myself at being an observer of life. Of human behaviour and reaction. This post is dedicated to all the couples I have been observing from a distance.
I have been observing couples for a while now. Not obsessively. Just like the normal amount that any other person would. Sometimes I sit on a bench at a mall when I'm waiting for people to show up and watch as they walk by. Just observing. Actually I've been observing couples for a long time. The strangest part even after all this observation and concluding, I'm terrible at couples myself. I just never seem to fit in as anyone's girlfriend (or want to....yet) but times are still young and wonders never cease. A time like this next week, month, year, century, we might be talking a different tale. So I have resigned myself to watching behaviour.
Being in a relationship is not an exact science. Every relationship you get into is different with its own dynamics, its own trials, its own new set of excitements and fights. Now, even if you get into a relationship with the same person more than once, it is never quite the same.But some things remain constant, the reactions are the same when its right. Or so I've observed. All that nonsense about walking in step and looking like each other and behaving like his mother I think is bordering on BS. Some women prefer to walk slowly and if you look too much like each other, maybe its time to get a DNA test done. However, I'm not here to dispute studies done by bored Ivy League students.
When I observe, I observe the dude more than the chic in any relationship because being a female myself, most of our relationship run on nothing but emotions and feelings and other mythical things like that. Otherwise pastor Lurve here would not be minting money off women who believe they could marry a man tomorrow that they met today. I believe men love with abit more than their hearts. They love with their minds. Once his mind is set, his heart will follow. Its cautious, its quietly thought out and its decisive. At least for most men. If you have one of those wishy washy men, then my heart goes out to you. Walk away. you deserve better than a man who has no idea where the wind is blowing today.
When a man loves you, he worries about you. His concern goes beyond when you're happy and jolly. It goes into the point where the only thing that is holding you together is your irrational hormones. He worries even when you start speaking in the tongues of your ancestors. He worries because he wants to understand your demons. Not that you should go psycho every day and hope he will still be there 365 days down the line. But on that one day when it gets terrible, when you get laid off, or lose a project or your business crushes to the ground, he stands by you. However, if you are going to jump up and down because of a broken nail, yeah, he might just go and hang out with the boys for abit and let you deal with that one.
When a man loves you, he takes time off his schedule to take care of you. He wants to hang out with you and take you places. He wants to know what you like and he wants you to know what he likes. Whether consciously or subconsciously, he wants you to be insync. He wants your worlds to merge (for lack of a less corny word). I know a guy who leaves work 15 minutes early to go pick up his woman and then hangs out with her while she watches the Kardashians or that other blond chic (Holly I think) He doesn't like boring reality TV but he likes her something serious. And sometimes that's all that matters. That he likes her and she likes the Kardashians. When a man loves a woman, he shall watch the Royal Wedding when the World Cup is on.(Soccer not Netball)
I know its not with every dude on the planet, but when a dude loves you, he lets you drive him. This one is not written in stone. But I find it amazing every time. I keep wondering, who in the world would let me drive them. In their car no less. And especially if he knows how I drive. I'm not saying it'll be my criteria but if a guy I was madly into ever handed me his car keys and it wasn't for an emergency or his leg wasn't broken in 3 places, I think I would weep a little. And then say a prayer for our safety on the road. Over excitement is not a good state to drive in.
I think keeping promises should be an ultimate criteria. And if he's unable to keep it, he explains in normal words why he couldn't. Not those lame excuses of "sijui, nililala cell and they took my belt, my left shoe and my dignity", "Sijui I went to coasto and forgot my phone at home" among other random excuses. If he cares enough, he will try as much as he can to keep his promises. He wants you to trust him and be the person you turn to when you're in trouble. He wants to be reliable. He wants his woman to know he can count on him.
I read bits and pieces of "Think like a Man, Act like A Woman - Steve Harvey" (If anyone has it could you please give me. Thaaaanks) So he was saying that the 3 things that should be a constant if a man is into you like that are:
And I've seen it across my little samples that I take sitting on benches and coffee shops pretending to read. You can tell even before they tell you. He brags about even her most ridiculous achievements, he gets her order, he listens keenly to her, he laughs at her jokes, he wants to know who she is when no one else is looking. He may look at other women but not the same way he looks at her. Never in that same way.
When a man loves a woman, he loves in totality. He finds your rhythm. Of course you have to have a rhythm that is accessible. But when a man loves you, don't be too hard headed. Love him back. Or at least let go before it gets too late and he can't stop.