It has been a minute, hasn't it? You and me, sitting, listening, talking, maybe enjoying a comfortable silence. I thought of talking to you earlier today but my day got busy, my mind got clogged up with things I thought were more important. So I put you at the back of my mind, I scheduled and rescheduled until I finally gave up and left it to chance. A chance I knew at the back of my mind I would never take. A chance I hoped you'd understand the circumstances.
I take you for granted like I take many of my friends. And even though I call you friend, I don't seem to treat you as one. I pretend to pray, I pretend to read the Bible and in church, I pretend to listen. Yet my mind wonders. Wonders to things that make no sense right now. Things that would not matter should you decide my time has come. Things you could take away in an instant.
I forget that I am not to complain about prayers unanswered, I should not be impatient with the things that I have requested. That my impatience should not be the wall blocking my blessings. For you have answered them even in the moments I have been too engrossed and selfish with myself. I should know that even though your answer is "wait" or "no", it is only because you want what is best for me. You know what I can handle.
Like the father you are, you have saved me, and kept me and protected me. But like a child, I have whined and complained and rebelled. Not knowing how little I can achieve by myself. Not knowing how much I can achieve through you. I have held on to things that were wrongfully mine, coveted what others have been given, desired things I could never manage, and not once have I asked you to provide for the things that should be rightfully mine.
I have asked others to provide what they could not. I have laid a burden on people that they could not carry. I have held on to baggage I could not lift so I have gotten stuck in the same place for days, months and years on end. I admit I am not perfect and neither is the world I live in. I admit my heart is tattered and my soul is broken. I admit that this body that I love so dearly is flawed and scarred but most of all I admit that I cannot do anything on my own. I cannot do anything at all.
So dear Lord, as I sit here, staring out into a beautiful sunset, feeling the cool breeze run over my leg, quietly enjoying your mercies, would you mind joining me? Sharing in my deepest thoughts, listening to your wisest words and maybe even...sharing a comfortable silence.