Indeed, I shall stand.

At the beginning of this year, I wrote a post about how great this year was going to be such a great year and how it was going to my year and blah blah blah... But the running joke continues, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." And laugh He did. Like a best friend who knew only too well, how ridiculous I sounded. I made a list, at the back of a book I have since misplaced. A list about where I should be, what I should earn, how happy and successful I should always sound. It was a great and wishful list, it was a hopeful list, it was a list full of promises. I have nothing against lists and this was my very first one. It kept my mind focused. On the things I should work for, the goals I should pray for and the faith I should grow.

Now to say that this year turned a little off centre from the list would be to understate the last 8 months. In February, I finally thought it was time to move on up in the world. Key word here being thought. Well after a back and forth interaction with what I thought was going to be the biggest move yet, I lost a job I had not even began working in. It was heart wrenching to say the least. But I breathed in and out, after a while I let it go. Or so again I thought. The year had just began so there could be better times ahead. In May, just as I started settling back into life, I got deferred for an exam I was supposed to sit for later in the year....well, I told myself there must be a reason, if only grudgingly. June came along with more joyous moments, a dude I thought at the time was the best thing since cubed sugar and sliced bread left me in a puff of smoke....poof! I should have known my brain was thinking of cubed bread or sliced sugar!

Anyway, we are now entering month 9 in this here year of our Lord and slowly things are starting to make sense. With the job and the exam and the cubed bread. Finally after a few stumbles, I have started to see why God was giggling at me...and not with me...at the beginning of all this. Life was never going to be anything I expected. God kept telling me to be still. To stand. To hold onto the faith. Just stand, I know what I'm doing. So I stood

Last month, I got a call for a job interview. I had always wanted a job like this and it was shocking that I was called when I had neither applied for or knew of its general existence. I had applied for a different job with a whole set of different requirements. It was my modern day miracle. Can I get a hallelujah. I used to hear of these stories where people talk about how God came through for them and life was all flowers and rainbows and sunshine and I used to think that maybe it was all made up and they were just out there bragging. It is still up until now, bit surreal and occasionally I think I might wake up and it will all be a dream. The job essentially begins when I was meant to be sitting for my exam. Now that forced deferral seems to make much more sense. I still might not have sat for the exam either way. But now I am saved the distress of having to explain to the board why I cant make it for my exam and I hear such things do not rub the board members well. So that solved my issue number 2. The Lord provided and mitigated all in one go. yay me!

As for issue number 3, well, he was definitely better than sliced sugar but the longer I sit and think back on everything that we went through, the more I think that walking away was the right way to go. It may not have felt like it at the time but I am happier now and calmer. Lessons were learnt, both good and bad and nothing is more refreshing than knowing that there was a reason for why it happened when it did. Regardless of whether or not I can see what that reason is. I have stopped obsessing and it has opened my mind to a whole lot of new things and experiences (nothing bad, promise! :-) Plus if there is one good that came from that period, my hair really grew. Like a weed. This length under normal circumstances would have taken at the very least, twice the time. Life is not all thorns and weeds. Sometimes there are roses.

So now, as I sit preparing myself for the next phase of my life, I have taken a back sit on planning and obsessing and worrying about myself. I have embraced the contentment of knowing someone else is sorting out my future for me. And that whether good or bad, happy or painful, it is all leading to something that I need. If all that I have left is the air that I breath, still I shall stand. Because, my God, He stands with me.