It has taken me a while to compile a list of resolutions for the year. 2012 is my year. I have a good feeling about it. From the tips of my locks to the toenails that were painted fuscia without my knowledge. Not because there's anything great happening this year....at least not that I know of...but because it is the year that I deal with myself. It is time I faced who I am and decide who I want to be. I am not getting any younger and as I look around at the people around me who are my age or even younger, I realise that while I was curled at a corner in fear of the unknown, people moved on with their lives. They faced a moving world. I chose not to.
But here's 2012 and for the first time in my history, I am sitting down and writing statements about what I want my year ahead to be. I am giving myself deadlines, I am willing to grow. So what is my resolution for the year:
A renewing of Body, Mind and Soul.
So, as of a few weeks ago, I decided its time to tone up this body of mine. There's been some mud-slide action happening around my thigh area that I have not been too proud of. So after a few failed attempts at going for Zumba and gym fees refusing to squeeze into my budget, I have decided that maybe jogging might be my best way forward. So as of yesterday, twice a week I shall be doing a 30 minute jog/dash/crawl around the hood....sometimes I'll just be sitting and thinking about it.(but that counts...right?)
But it's not just toning of my body that I'm being resolute about. Bad eating habits have to stop. No more skipping meals, no more dehydrating habits. Water is my friend. It is good. So are 3 square meals a day, fruits and vegetables. A vanilla cupcake at lunch time does not a meal make. So in the spirit of improving my life, I shall also broaden my cooking knowledge. Throwing food into hot water or hot oil shall not constitute my only ability. I want to learn to marinate, to toss and turn, mash and julienne, bake and grill. Yes, my body shall be a temple....of disciplined exercise and good food. Yes it shall.
My mind has prevented me from proper sleep, proper weight, proper happiness, proper anything really. It is said that your greatest enemies is not those around you but that who is within you. Your mind limits you with doubts, misgivings and experiences. Past experiences have made me limit who and what I have become. Future worries have stopped me from making leaps into the unknown. Will my life be better if I do? What do I lose if take a chance? I now know that I shall lose the knowledge of what could have happened.
While I try to get out of the shell that is my closed mind, I need to let go of experiences, doubts, fear and other voices. What others think of me and what I do is irrelevant compared to what I think of myself and what I can achieve. What I believe of my ambitions and my achievements. It all starts with the mind and the mind just has to say "yes" sometimes for everything else to work out.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philipians 4:6
That is my word for the year.
I have been studying up a bit on faith and what it means. Faith in myself, faith in others but most of all faith in God. My life has not been difficult...it has had difficult patches but it has not been difficult all round. Because of that, I have not had my faith tested before and when it finally got tested, I realised I had no fall back. Fully relying on myself does not cut it any more. Sometimes living life feels like trying to empty the ocean with a tea spoon. Everything is impossible and life feels like it generally hates you. If I truly believe in a God that can do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine; if I believe in a God who not only created the world I live in but also created me (one of the most stubborn people I know) why can't I entrust Him with a few small, insignificant problems?
Having faith in anyone other than myself, having faith in others, will be the truest test not only of my soul but of my character. But we are not islands at least I am not an island, we need other people to survive because when we are breaking and at our weakest, they stand in that gap for us. In prayer, in friendship and in faith.
And if you think about it, if my soul is at peace, my mind and body will be at peace too.
So in 2012, if I am to unfortunately find myself in an abandoned island, the 5 things I would carry are:
1. A pregnant cow (milk, meat and manure all in one!)
2. A Bible
3. An ipod with a solar charger
4. A laptop which can steal wireless internet from other continents....with a solar charger
5. A friend