Almost a decade on...lakini wapi!!!

I hear men are born knowing how to drive. Not just how to drive but how to drive manual. stick, clutch, brake, gears, hill balancing and the whole shebang. I am living proof that driving is not genetic, it's gender-insensitive. If it was genetic, I would be a fabulous driver. I would turn and park and reverse like an F1 driver. I would drive like the rest of my family. With the ease and calmness it requires not the rash and frayedness that I display.


So yesterday, Number3 calls and tells me to pass by Junction and get him yorghurt. Simple enough. All I have to do is pass by on my way home and get yorghurt. Right? Wrong.So wrong. Usually when I'm parking, I look for wide open spaces then swing into the space like an 18 wheeler. Only wide circles are done by yours truly. Unfortunately, the parking lot was amazingly full. My heart stopped. how now? I hate this situations. No swinging space. No wide open spaces. What was I gonna do? Then, the opening came. The miracle I was waiting for. Right when I needed a space, a Range rover reversed out. Not this new fancy ones that are specifically built to fit into parking spaces. I mean the huge Vogues that were the size of a small sized canter and had bodies of hard steel.I was in a car barely half the size with a steering that could make the car turn on the spot. I could hear Hallelujahs and bright lights.

Clearly someone somewhere saw the need
So there I am, waiting patiently as this beast turned out. Smiling at myself for my good fortunes. That space must be huge. That was until I tried to park my little car. Now, if you have seen me park, it is quite an amazing scene. I am one of those girls who ends up on youtube in ridiculous predicaments. So I stared at this space for a few moments and then took in a deep breath and swung in or rather slowly, very slowly creeped in.


Now this would all be fine if I started driving last month or if I had one of those cars with those big caution signs up top which tell you "New Crazy Driver behind the Wheel" but I have been at this for 9 and a half years. 9 and a half years of which I cannot park forward, let alone reverse into a parking(oh! how I hate reversing) Now if the fate of the world was dependent on my reversing into a parking, we would all be doomed. The world would truly end on Saturday.

It took about 3 minutes to get into the parking space. 3 whole minute and I still couldn't get out because I was way too close to the next car. I wasn't about to reverse back and try to park properly because from past experience, that particular stunt has never worked.So I thanked God for the ability to suck in my stomach, the fitness to jump over to the passenger seat and the grace to allow me to be alone in the car this one time.

He's called Leo

That made me wonder why men are so great at this driving business and I am just so terrible. The worst part is that I actually enjoy driving. I love the power of my small engine, the control of my simple steering wheel but for some reason, I can never get the hang of it. It is ridiculous. Especially since I come from a family of such proficient drivers.(probably because they are all male!)

Let me give you a brief breakdown:

Number 1: The man who I got all my genes from. All of them other than my driving gene, which I think I got from an old ancestor who used to call the train, a metal snake. He is amazing behind the wheel. He has taught everyone I know how to drive.
His weakness:Other than a small feud he has with various kerbs in the city(he keeps driving over them with a determined vengeance), he has hardly ever had an accident or incident. Oh, maybe a small incident where he reversed into a ditch near our garage.

Number 2: Now this man can park a truck into a space fit for a bottle top. He reverses, parallel parks, squeezes, pushes, pulls and folds into any space that is available. Meet his baby sister, I couldn't park a bottle top into an open field if I was given a binoculars and a compass. I'm terrible at any activity that does not just let me step on the accelerator and move in a forward direction.
His weakness: His only problem behind the wheel is an inability to concentrate when he's driving forward.Hold onto your seat, buckle up and maybe tie a rope for good measure. If you need to be there in 20 minutes, he'll probably get you there in 2.

Number 3: You should see this child behind the wheel. I never drive when he's around. Why would I? He's careful, consistent and all those things that I am not. He drives like superman flies.....so naturally, so smoothly. Like he glides over the road on little amazing clouds. I trust him with my life.
His weakness: Other than picking on his father's love for the kerbs, I am yet to find a problem with him.

Then comes in me and Mrs. Number 1.Well, the Mrs, has had decades of experience on me and being prim and proper, she drives in a prim and proper fashion. We wait at junctions til the road clears, we sit by the lights on an empty road til they turn green, we never cut in or drive over 50 in a 50kph area. She's the total opposite of Number 2. If you so both of them drive, you would never believe they are related.

I am so sure my driving part is much bigger than that
Now, I will admit that occasionally I have the urge to stick an L sign on my car and let the rude drivers do what they may. but Number 1 never let any of us put them even when we were just starting out (he doesn't believe in such sissy behaviors)so you can imagine his shock and embarrassment if he walked out and saw a big red L sign on my wind screen. Instant heart attack. I'm sure there are times he watches me drive out and wonders what he did wrong. I guess I cant lay claim to all talents. All I can do is hope that my lack thereof doesn't finish me before May 21st.


Parting shot to all women out there: It is perfectly fine not to get out of your car at the petrol station. Let men not cheat you that it is important to walk out every time you park next to the pump. You can see the pump by simply turning your head, you can see where they are putting fuel by angling your side mirror correctly. For the longest time, I thought it was absolutely important to get out of the car. Men can be so strange sometimes!!!