If it really ended today...

If the world did end today, 21.05.2011 as predicted, what would I want to do different?Where would I want it to end, how would I want to remember my existence? What I want to leave behind as my legacy? Most probably I wouldn't be blogging or thinking the thoughts I'm thinking now. I probably wouldn't have driven 20 kms to do something I would regret.I probably would have watched a movie, hang out with the people I love the most and hopefully loved me back and dress comfortably preparing for take off.

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you knew the exact moment in life that would be your last. Who would you declare your undying love to? Who would you run over with your car? Who would you want to spend your last moments with? Who would you have your last laugh with? Who do you want there when you shed your last tear?

I have to admit that my life has been less than ideal up til now and the more I live it, the more I think I get worse at it. It's like I understand more and yet somehow live less. I wonder if I believed I would still be as scared as I am. As confused. As regretful. Would I allow myself to think like this?

Paulo Coelho said, "Don't live every day as your last, live it like the first!"

But if I knew the world was ending today, if I truly believed, I would have loved more, I would have let myself be loved. I would have opened my heart to more possibilities, I would have been more decisive, I would have voiced my opinion, I may even have said No! more often. I would have asked for forgiveness and I would have given it back. I would like to leave this world with no regrets, no fears, no shame.

I might have bunjeed off the Zambezi, I might have traveled to Ghana and bought amazing fabric and made amazing clothes, I might have gone to South Africa and shopped til I dropped, I might have lazed on the beaches of Seychelles, collected shoes from Italy, eaten in France....

I did make a significant change in my life so I guess I'm at peace with myself and I really hope God is at peace with me. But the regrets remain. They do not burn in fires made of sticks and papers.....I wish they did. But the world may or may not end today for most of us. But I do hope that everyday I wake up, I don't wake up with old regrets but with new begins.

If you believed that today was truly the end, what would you do different? Would I say goodbye to yesterday?


Song on my mind...