A girl committed suicide yesterday. In the building across from our office. We saw the commotion and like true human beings, we sent the watchman to get us the scoop then discussed it right through lunch. She was a 26 year old bank executive, drove a Prado and lived in a pricey apartment across from us. So as we watched in amazement across the fence, we wondered what it was that was so lacking that she decided the end was now.
Love apparently or some form of it drove her to her death bed and to the note that she left behind for her distraught parents. She was the other woman to the other woman to some celebrity journalist who also lives in the hood and the fact that it was Valentines Day did not escape us. A man who would unfortunately continue living his life fully with other women for years to come. A man who clearly did not let emotions cloud his judgement. He might be sad for a few days but after that, he would go on carrying on, and she would still be dead.
This got me wondering, if as women, we got the raw end of the relationship stick. Did we sit around hoping to be completed by men while they on the hand, felt more than adequately complete? We let our hearts dominate something that should otherwise be better be dominated by our brains. Which is quite sad because like the saying goes "Love doesn't put food on the table or pay the bills."
This emotion called love has caused a wealth of pain and heartbreak. From Jacob and Leah in the Bible to Romeo and Juliet, the results seem to be the same. Tragic. That is where I admire men, even after they fall in love, they take the emotion out of the equation and really look into the relationship. They find out if after everything is stripped bare, whether this is where they still ought to be. It may sound selfish but it is necessary. Are you truly and honestly happy? When you are quietly seated in a corner and thoughts off him cross your mind, do you smile are does your heart fill with fear? We cannot let our lives be ruled by chemical reactions instead of logical assumptions.
But this situation also got me to see that as much as we give in a relationship, we also receive. I highly doubt that her man was willing to write a note and kill himself. In fact, I doubt that the chap will care enough to change his ways in tribute to her death. Yet there she was, laying it bare for a man who's whole investment in the relationship were a few random visits and a cheque at the end of the month. Unfortunately for all of us, we only see things clearly when we are on the outside looking in but when you are in it, you want to be the one that changed his world,the one who he loved the most, the one who made everything alright. If you are going to be the one to make him reach his best potential, he has to be willing to be more than the gateway to the end of your life.
Relationships are hard enough without the threats and the other women and the excess drama. They are hard enough without dragging each other through the mud. I'm sure she thought having her rent paid for and a lovely 4WD at her disposal was everything a woman would ever want but something will always be missing. If he was never there when she needed him the most, if she used to call and get the secretary every time, if when a moment called for romance, he brushed it off, then nothing else mattered. Every woman needs to know she is the one and only if only in theory.
I won't fault her for her actions. Most women have been through a heartbreak so bad, giving up almost seemed like a better option. I once planned to leave the country because it felt abit too much to be breathing the same air. But we eventually rise above it, become stronger for it. If we are lucky, we find a man who will treat us so well that we wonder what the hell we were doing with the other a*$es and if we are very lucky, we discover our self worth along the way and walk away from this dangerous relationships with our dignity intact. It is easier said than done of course and the lessons learnt are painful and rough. But we live and learn. All I'm saying is "If you are going to let your heart fall into that abyss called love, be sure to drag your mind along too."