Dear Future Murasta,
I am writing this because I have a feeling you will write me from the future with all the great things you have accomplished and writing this makes us look like we are having a normal conversation. And God Knows, right about now, I need to hear that you're doing great. At least much better than I am currently hoping for. I have prayed for you, you know. I have prayed that you get to know what you're about. I have prayed that all those deep desires that I have are accomplished over and beyond your wildest imaginations.
I can only hope though, that wherever you are, whatever you're doing, that you are happy. Happy and graceful....and grateful. It is important to be grateful, that you are still alive and well, it will be important to be grateful. If the global warming talks and failing economy is anything to go by. I truly hope you learnt from your mistakes and never let things pass you by because of fear or doubt. That you have grown into a courageous woman of power, a woman not held back by shame or blame, a fortress for yourself and for others as well.
I also hope you have put your heart and mind to good use. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, right? And it does rot if left on the shelf for too long. I hope you directed it towards something you care deeply for. Not just dragging around hoping that someone somewhere fulfilled my dream for you. It is never too late to reach for those stars we have been wishing upon. Even though they seem like little stars. I have dreams now so I am hoping they have grown into something more. Or at least a few extra steps have been taken. I will try my best on this side to keep the fire going. I do hope you are doing the same.
Your heart has always been a confused, treacherous place to explore. I guess you already knew that. It runs loose and willy nilly without a second thought. Reign it in before it kills you. Or at least I hope you gave it to someone who knew what to do with it. Because I clearly don't. That it went on to love and hold dearly to things and people of great importance. Not to politicians and celebrities....but to lovers, children and friends. Whoever they may be. I pray that it has not been corrupted by the things and politics of the world. That it held firmly and faithfully to what it believes in. That it has learnt what to hold onto and what to leave behind.
As I write this, I am truly hoping that I have not disappointed you as I head towards you. I hope that I have given this life my all so that you can live at your best. I hope that I have not held back where it truly mattered, that you trod where I was afraid to tread, that you spoke up when I should have, that you apologised like I was taught and that loved with no fear. I hope that I taught your children well, and loved your husband wisely. I pray that I worked hard and lived smart. I hope that you will not look back and think, "I should have done...", "I would have gone...." and "If only I had listened....".
I pray that your heart is at peace with the decisions I have made so far and the ones that I shall make. That you will look back to a life of no regrets. That you will see a life full of well thought out issues, un-rushed resolve and forgiven mistakes. I know I am not perfect now and neither will you be, but I do hope you have inspired young people somewhere. If not out in the world, at least your own. To a place better than they would have been without you. That you have not disappointed those that should have mattered with things that shouldn't have mattered.
You will look back at moments like today or last week or last month and wonder "what was all that about. Was the stress you had even worth it?". I hope the answer is no. So that I can feel silly .... and smile foolishly. I wish you could come and tell me everything will be just fine. That all the fears I have now are unfounded. That there is nothing to deter me. I know it won't be sunshine and roses but I wish you could come and tell me there's a lot more sunshine and roses beyond today. Beyond tomorrow.
But most of all, I am hoping you remain true to yourself, to your loved ones and most of all, to God.