Nearing 30

I was taken aback by the question. Yes I was barreling into pre- midlife crisis but I have never really thought about it. Like really thought about it.

Where do you want to be when you're 30?

Uiiiii! Just the other day I was 21. Where does time fly off to. The only thing I wanted when I was 21 (which was just the other day) was for campus to stay forever and ever. We should always be that invincible. I lived a breath at a time. I had so much faith in myself, that it couldn't even be called faith. It was a phenomenal time. Nothing and no one really mattered. Other than myself. And now here I am, being asked about my life into old age and beyond.



As I looked at my phone and wondered what to say to this person I could not lie to, all I saw was the next couple of months. I had so much to think about. Tomorrow, the day after that. Next month. Short term goals with no real ambition. I just wanted to eat, breath and be merry!

"I want to have found happiness :)"

I hope that sounded convincing enough and if the rest of the conversation was anything to go by, I think I did. But as I prepared for bed, it got me thinking...I'm almost there. What do I want to have achieved? Where do I want to have gone? Who do I want to be? I'd have lived 3 decades and counting, what will I have to show for it?

When I was younger, slimmer and with a tonne more energy, I knew what my life was going to be until my great grand kids twice removed. I had a plan and a (sort of) purpose. That was of course until I came into the real world and realised that my life plan and the world's plan were on two different galaxies. So I started living day to day. Then slowly I started living a moment at a time.

The question was a reality check. I have so much life ahead of me and I have very little idea what I am going to do with all of that. I figured that the reason for living will come to me like a movie. I will wake up one morning and with the birds singing and flowers blooming, my reason for living ill become clear. This week I'm doing a small test to determine what it is I am good, what I'm best at and what I really like doing but I suck at. (You'd be shocked how many terrible things you enjoy doing)

But life is really not about what you do. It is about who you are. Losing perspective of that is losing a small part of your life. Living life to the fullest doesn't mean the promotion or making the most money (and I do like money, don't get me wrong). For me life means doing what you need to do without compromising who you really are. Anything that makes you uncomfortable and beats at your conscience is not as "worth it" as you think.

Of course I'd like to eat in nicer restaurants and travel for my holidays and live in a house I like. And I will work my bum skinny for it but not at the expense of my happiness or my loved ones. Every moment doesn't need to be quantified by how much you make and keep in the bank but it can be quantified by how much you make yourself happy and more importantly those around you.

30 is just an age, just like 19 or 21 [ok, maybe not like 21 :)] and really the most I can do about it is live my life. Worry never did anyone any good so I doubt I will be the first. So what if I won't have achieved everything I wanted to achieve. I'm only human and life shall not stop to wait for me to complain. So I don't think I feel like waiting for it to screw me over.

So what do I want to have achieved by 30? I want to have achieved life.