The week that was....

If you can’t read the fine print on the sign it goes something like this:
This blog is not funny. It is actually somewhere between pathetic and lame. However it is very long. If you are not used to reading for days at a time, it is highly suggested that you quit while the day is still young and you can still salvage your day and go do important things. It is also not a pity party, it is just a statement of facts as they happened and as I perceived them. I will say at this point, should anyone be offended, it was not my intention.

Now that, that is out of the way…I can start on my ranting and raving. Do you know what I did on my birthday? I spent the day running around getting my insurance done and dealing with bankers. I must have walked a few kms between Purshortum (where my bankers sit on their high leather seats) and Chartis (where my insurers sit on their higher and more leathery seats). The two buildings are right next to each other. At some point I wanted to pass on notes through the fence. I then had dinner with my “twin”, got cake that was seriously solicited for over twitter and then spent another hour at a parking lot somewhere in upperhill discussing mileage and tyre treads.

Anyway, after falling into some serious depression last Monday, I decided life is too short for me to wait a whole year to not celebrate my birthday for the umpteenth time. So here is how I spent my “happy be-lated birthday” week.

Monday: Run, baby, Run…
I was having a terrible day. Probably because I hadn’t slept well or because everyone was shouting at me for reasons I couldn’t pin point. So when I got home, my only intention was to wear my sneakers and run off into the darkness and hopefully disappear. I did run into the darkness but hard as I tried I didn’t disappear. Someone has to cover my bills after all so I really had to return plus my nephew was more or less alone at home. And I love the little hopper. Something had to change that week or I was going to burst something serious.

This is how I looked after a few minutes

Tuesday: #Paragasha…
That is how I found about the event... on twitter. After tossing and turning all of Monday night, I needed to get tired enough on Tuesday to fall into a deep sleep. I was feeling deprived of rest and consequently of joy and productivity. So off I went.
Where: Club Soundd
When: Last Tuesday of the month
Verdict: Awesome.
My favourite number (and yes, I said number and not song!) was a song done by Afrology Band…Never give up. It was this fusion of Rock and neo-soul. Totally up my ally and totally blew me away. As for Antoneosoul (the host and main-ish act of the night)……he was all heart, soul and voice. In fact I think that boy is all lungs. At some point I contemplated kidnapping him and making him my singing slave. If only we lived in the days of slavery, nakedness and hard labour….A girl can dream.

Photo courtesy of Mutua Matheka

Wednesday: Back it up, back it up, back it up….
There is a danger to being deprived of sleep. Being the third day in a row, something was bound to happen. Now put a female driver, a reverse gear and lack of sleep and what do you get? An accident about to happen. And an accident did. I backed up right into my boss’ wife’s green Benz. I may have insinuated that the car looked very much like the vegetation. I don’t think he believed me but he didn’t charge me for the very visible dent. He however did suggest I go see a shrink to find out what is disturbing me. Really dude? Do I look more disturbed than normal? Definitely a cause for worry or maybe just a cause for humour. Bundled with the fact that the ATM’s were not working and I only had 120/=, Kidum would have to wait for another Wednesday.

Something I should include in my first aid kit


Thursday: Bend over what???
My sleep was still erratic. So uptown Thursday it was. I put just enough fuel to get me to Westi. I am a cheapskate Kenyan after all. I cannot remember the last time I was in a club. Let the 21 year old me unleash itself and unleash it did. Now I remember why I don’t do shots after eating. In fact why I never do shots at all. Before, after or during any meal. My brother refused to leave the club once the reggae got on. All Nyeri people like reggae….It is a profile he is very proud of. Leave alone the fact that he barely looks or speaks anything like a Nyerian anymore. Maybe its his way of showing people he truly is from the mt. side. That was a fun night right there. One for the records. There was however this groping little man who for some reason kept asking me “Are you fine?”. I wanted to run to a mirror and check if there was something wrong with my face. He’s my friend’s friend so I will not say bad things about him at this point. I will however think them.

Friday: While I was sleeping…
My body finally gave in. I crushed. I got into the office, sent any important mail and then put on Harry Porter. My relationship with Harry Porter has been anything if not bumpy. I have tried many many times but many many times I have slept. I figured this time would be no different. I pulled chairs together, found a comfortable position and slept like a child. My project was approved while I was asleep though. Yaaaa! Win for me! I went home and crushed til 9 in the morning. Sigh of relief anyone! Considering all smells and tastes made me feel like I was in a dumpsite, I did not wake up for lunch or supper.


Saturday: Only the government plans that far ahead…
It was meant to be one of those days. You know the ones I’m talking about. Shorts, t-shirt and a short productive stint outdoors. It was productive until I ended up at Choma Boma with a crowd of people I did not know. I was only passing by for my flash disk, then I got invited for meat. (Only foolish people refuse meat). One thing led to another and soon we were dancing to Nigerian music and high fiving with particularly old men. Moving on swiftly to Rafikis, I met the most disturbing individual. I think he thought the best way to chips me was by telling me his friend was gay and was apparently in court for rape. That man should really work on his pick up lines. He did compare me to his mother at one point and made very crude comments on my legs. I was very close to breaking a bottle over his head.

Sunday: Baba God – o
That was one of the last songs I heard before I ran home to bed. Barely made church Sunday morning. I like our church so I try to make it as often as I can and I really like God, so I don’t like disappointing Him. (The irony of the week is not lost on me!). Hopper and his slightly hang-overed father tagged along. The day was terribly hot. In doors was the only way to beat this day. Beef fry and a lot of movies later, it was time for TPF4. I have only watched it twice before. In fact I just found out that it was the last episode showing...from my father. The only more distressing thing than their voices were their back-up dancers. Davis won. I had never heard him sing and I think I was in the kitchen making tea when he sung his final song. Hmm! He must be good at something.
I think he's the one on the right. I don't know who the one on the left is.

I’m not sure how I feel about this week and how it went. It was definitely a lot of fun but I don’t think I’ll be remembering it as how I turned the year. I think I like how the real on went down better. With no fuss, having a good meal with friends and eating Pina Collada cake discussing my donut wheel. And anyway, my best friend did wake me up with a text early in the morning, I got another during the day from someone who I thought had totally forgotten my existence and a final one from someone who just made it before midnight. It's the simple things, right? At least they were no groping little men and shameful drunks daring me to kiss them for 5 minutes…..(really dude, next time I see you I will stab you in the balls just for existing!)

One request however to my friends. Do not ask me how my birthday was. If you weren’t there, don’t assume anyone else was. Because everyone else was asking me the same question assuming everyone else was there.

On an unrelated note: In my many sleepless nights I watched a lot of movies and things. This is an extract from Cashmere Mafia that I liked. (cue in Lucy Liu's voice!)
Dear Modern Man,
You know what this modern woman wants for breakfast. Maybe oatmeal. Bacon and eggs if she’s craving protein. Definitely coffee. But relax, I’m not going to have you for breakfast. So please don’t be such a wimp about women at work. It’s high time to accept that a woman might not just be your co-worker, she could be your boss and you’re going to have to be prepared to deal….to be a man about it in the true sense of the word. Sure more working women means more competition but instead of being threatened by it, you should be challenged by it. Let’s bring out the best in each other. Win or lose, if you’re a good sport everybody wins. But until you get your head around this, you’ll be on your road and I’ll be on mine. I hope at some point we meet in the middle.
Cheer,
The modern woman.