Nimechoka.....

So it came to be that on Saturday evening, I was invited for a house warming in South B by a former No.4 (please refer to previous post!) and his girlfriend. He had sung about his woman for so long I figured it is time to go meet this GORGEOUS SUPER WOMAN. And from all the photos he kept flushing from his wallet, she was quite the drop dead gorgeous woman. If she didn't already belong to my pal, I'd have a small girl crush on her. She was from Seychelles meaning she had this beautiful hair flowing all over the place and well, her body could form a whole new blog post. According to him, her cooking was worth dying for. I was soo glad our thing was eons ago because I was none of those were not qualities I naturally possess (Especially the long over flowing hair!) It would be sad for him to remember how lazy I was.

So off I went to the house warming. I was broke so no, I did not carry a potted plant or a bottle of Chardonnay or Pinot Noir or even a slab of meat. Nilijipeleka tu vile nilivyo.But I was a considerate guest though. I called ahead and stated my case and promised not to do it again. After a whole day wedding hoping and wobbling in heels in the mud, all I wanted to do was chill, have good conversation and eat meat. In my mind, when you hint towards a party, meat is usually a big component of my enjoyment. But lo and behold! one half of the host duo was not Kenyan so the must-have meat was a foreign concept. *Sigh....she who does not come bearing gifts does not get to complain. (Lesson No. 1)Always eat before the party.There were bitings though. Sausages and small pieces a bread with cheese and other things I had never seen before.

So in I go, dressed like I was going for war in Antarctica. I have an affinity for balconies. Mostly because they have the most air and least crowd so the jacket did come in handy. But it was a smoker's party of sorts so everyone in the whole party was hovering somewhere between the kitchen door and the railing lighting it up. Next time I get an invite, I'll make sure I find out how many smokers will roam the grounds (Lesson No. 2)Carry a change of Sweater. I got home smelling like BAT tobacco sorter.

If you have ever been to a couple's party, you really should be prepared for a lot of couples in the party. (Lesson No. 3). Every one came with a plus 1. Ok! not everyone. But the few who were there without their plus 1's had their insignificant others elsewhere so they could get with the lingo going on. There was a lot of baby talk, wedding talk, once-upon-a-time and do-you-remember-the-time stories. Hmmm...I had little to contribute so I covered up by standing very near the bitings and drinks...There was a lot of avocado and cheese happening. Naturally I inclined to the drinks to keep me busy. (Lesson No. 4) Such Inclinations are never to anyone's best interest.

Like all good parties everyone eventually became louder than the music. I think it was trance, I think it was soldier boy. I can't remember.Like any good friend who has found a good woman, my friend started getting really disturbed and agitated by the fact that I had not discovered the joys of relationship bliss. (Lesson No. 5) I knew, even in my foggy mind, it was time to leave before this depressing talk caused to make a stupid call. Just the same way I knew, I should have dragged one of my many friends to act as a buffer. My phone must have been feeling me mad that day cause it instantly started dying and beeping insistently at me. The more reason for me to go home. That didn't stop him from lecturing me for an hour. For an hour, he told me about the power of positive thinking, tricks of how to land a good man, he even told me to watch The Secret again (Clearly he believed the first time I watched,it didn't sink in!!He may have a point) I knew his heart was in the right place but my mind was in bed at home. I told myself to remember to be touched by his moving speech when I woke up.

I had been standing all night trying to avoid the smoking zone that had suddenly formed on my balcony. I was wearing heels so my feet were experiencing 54 kinds of pain. (Lesson No. 6). Always go back and change into flats before its too late. My traumatised feet really needed to go home. After the productive talk from my concerned friend, I tried severally to fight my way out. Eventually and with a proud stagger, I broke free. Home ward bound I was. I considered dropping in at everyone's house on the way if only just so that I don't have to make that long journey home. The house seemed to move further the more I attempted to get closer. Eventually I got close enough to do a sprint to the bed.

I dropped into bed just barely. i promised myself never ever again (Lesson No...I don't even know anymore!) Now how many times had I said that before. This time I was definitely never ever going to do it again.