A new dawn.

Tomorrow I celebrate (more like trudge through) the next year.I've never been quite a birthday celebrator. More because of lack of opportunity than lack of desire. This is the first birthday since I joined school half a century ago that I am not either reading for exams or doing them. So you see why this is very strange. I will just be twiddling tomorrow my thumbs wondering what people do on such days.

Anyway, tonight I think I'll pray. It's not going to be those "If I die before I wake..." prayers or the "Lord please let me not get carjacked and molested" that I do at 3 in the morning while doing F1 speeds back home but an actual sincere prayer. Laying my year down before the Almighty. This year that has ended has had all the makings of a good movie. Tears, Laughter, Intensity, Calmness and sometimes downright ridiculous fiction. What is saddening though as I look back, is how little life has changed since last November. Other than the vigorous studying I used to do around this time, there is not that much that has improved for me as a person.



So I have a small list of things I'll take to the Lord in prayer. Important things that I think I may have taken for granted over the years and hence my life kinda took a turn towards a tragic movie than a feel-good one. Now, since I want my next year to go the way of a feel-good movie,in fact I want it to read like an animation. Like Finding Nemo only without having to got to the dentist's office (which I should probably do soon).

1. Health
If there is something that this year has taught me is not to take my health for granted. The last 6 months have been a battle between back pains and fevers. If I wasn't bending over in back pains I was shivering in bed with some sort of fever. So slowly and expensively I started my journey to better health. I eat better, I exercise more, I drink less and spend fewer and fewer nights out, I unsuccessfully try not to watch TV in bed or even work while under the covers. Eventually I had to change my mode of transport to accommodate my aches and pains. I'm thinking that I should go for all those tests that October is about just to make sure nothing is wrong. But all in all, there is only so much I can do. Everything else I'm laying down before Him.

2. Contentment
I always thought I was generally content with life.Not until I realised how often I talk about moving on up and how quickly that should happen. I actually have budgetary plans for each pay grade I may achieve in the next 5-10 years. I have no doubt about how much I should have by then and what I shall do with it. However, contentment has nothing to do with my 10 year plan. It has to do with everything I am today. Thinking about "coulda, shoulda, woulda" is not improving my quality of life any. I cannot help what I don't have now just what I have. So I'm going to pray that I appreciate where I am now and how much I have now.

3. Company
I am a queen hermit. I usually do everything by myself mostly because I believe it'll be faster. That is until I started noticing I'm dropping friends like dead weeds and soon I was almost alone. My parents and God are great company but at some point, you need people who speak your language and understand your position in life. You need a pack or a herd. You need to associate. I had forgotten that loneliness is a bad place to be. That was until I was lonely and alone. A couple of weeks back, I was in doubt about something I thought was quite large, and I think it shocked me that in a phone book of hundreds of names, I could barely call anyone without feeling like a nag. I t was upsetting. Having people you can call when in need or doubt or just when you need to sit quietly and watch traffic,is a basic need. Loneliness does kill.

4. Self Control
This is my biggest vice. I have very little self control when it comes to .....well, everything.My attitude towards life is "what's the worst that could happen!". That is really not the way to live life coz alot worse can happen. Let's just say "Mungu amenionekania" over the years and protected me from my own stupidity. Since I know I can only drag that luck for only so long, I shall add this to my list.

5. Faith
My lack of faith in humanity is legendary. I never believe that people will come through. I'm a true "Seeing is Believing" character.I have faith in God, it's everyone else that I doubt. Opportunity is lost when in doubt and God knows my ambitious soul does not do lost opportunities well. So I think I need a little more faith on what man can do for me. Less skepticism would probably do wonders on my personal CV.

I have a much longer list than this but that is between me and God and whoever will be sitted close enough to hear my random thoughts. It's a scary year I'm getting into. The pressure to perform is higher, the desire to be better is greater and I really don't want to look back 12 months from now and still find myself doing the exact same thing I'm doing now and praying for the exact some things I am now.
Wish me luck everyone! :)



Do not limit your future by basing it on the past, projecting what you can do by what you have done. Your goal is not just to be better than you were, but as good as you can ultimately be.
.....Todd Skinner