It is one of those days. I woke up and I couldn't breath. I couldn't see. I must have been crying at night or something. I'm not too sure. But I think the tears were making my eyes blurry in the early morning light. I don't know what I was dreaming about. I don't know if it was worth the tears but I do have a feeling I should be glad I didn't know. My emotional scale would probably be off the charts if I did.
I tried drawing breath as I showered, I tried as I dressed for work, I tried again as I made my way to work. The only thought in my mind was "I need to breath!" I'm still trying now.I'm not sure a drink would help and sleeping clearly didn't. I don't want to talk about it and yet I don't want to be alone. I just need to be able to breath. I need to get this blank stare off my face and show some kind of emotion. Even the tears would be a welcome change from the expressionless face staring back at me in the mirror. This overly open eyes telling me that it doesn't matter.
Maybe I need a distraction. Maybe I need someone to tell me that whatever has gotten me in this mood will turn out to be just fine. Maybe I need to stop over-thinking. Maybe I just need to stop thinking. All I know is I need something to get me breathing again. Anything would do and suggestions are highly welcome.
I've tried the radio and I can barely hear or understand anything, I've tried eating and the food refused to get down, I've even tried standing around the kitchen in the hope that people's conversations will jolt me out of this bad head-space am in. But all I want to do is go back to bed and undo whatever it is that has happened. If only so that I stop spending so much time blindly hoping for something better to roll on by. All I need to do is breath. All I want to do is breath.