Ladies don't get too excited....It's not a man. And men, well, get excited if you want but no, it is not a woman. It was just a thought that lingered for longer than normal. Important thoughts should linger for a long time so when it lingered for more than its 12 required seconds, I knew that this was probably a thought worth dwelling on.
I am a picky person. I usually know exactly what I'm looking for and if I can't find it, I'd prefer to stay without it. I'm not unreasonable or unmoving, I'm just picky. I'm picky on everything from house to car to clothes to people to job. Everything, even the small spoon I stir my tea with. The only thing I'm not picky about is the clothes I wear to the office. I think I pay more attention to the clothes I wear in the house on a lose Saturday than what I wear to the office on a daily basis (especially on days before public holidays and any other day I'm not meeting up with a client).
I decided to do a simple exercise on Sunday. I didn't end up doing it. A long Saturday poured into a longer Sunday and life overtook my good intentions. I was going to take a piece of paper and a pen (I suggest you try it. I think it would be very refreshing),with tea on one side, fries on the other and soft rock playing in the background. I had decided to write of all the things and people that I want. All.And yes, people. Everything I'd still want if all is said and done and all that was left was just me and that piece of paper. If I went to jail forever or got lost in a desert, what would I want to have achieved or gotten or eaten.Who would I have I have wanted to meet or just literally rub shoulders with? You'd be amazed how many hidden desires you have that you never gave the time of day.
So after writing down all the things, I was going to divide them to the things that I really need and desire on my want list. Nothing to be ashamed about. If it's a soda and bread at Uhuru Park that I need for myself then so be it. Out of that, I was going to shortlist it to time-lines and achievability. I may need to discover the cure for Ebola but it is a bit ambitious of me. Don't you think? And there will lie my present day "bucket list". Specific, precise and realistic. Easier said than done my good people. Easier said than done.
I already have parts of the list in my head with general time lines. The whens and wheres are more or less set in my mind. Whether I think I will achieve them or not is a tale for another day. The reason I haven't sat down and written it yet however is quite simple. The people. I had the main people already set.The close family and friends who've shaped my everyday life. The ones who will never leave. Mainly because the world will frown upon them for moral reasons. But there are the minor people I would never admit I need. It is even harder to admit to a piece of paper that may some day fall into the wrong hands and cause me endless embarrassment. People who've impacted me so much, I am shocked I don't have a physical dent to show for it. People who will never and should probably never know.
I know when I start writing it down (I'll probably do it deep into the night just to make absolutely sure I am alone) there'll be no turning back. This is pretty much laying myself bare......to myself. I have been amazed even as I slowly build up the list in my mind, how much I fear my own desires. After I get over the obvious things. The cars, the lands, the jobs....I'll have little choice but to write of the things that really matter. The people, the emotions and the desires. The ones that I will probably fail. The people I am most likely to disappoint and lose. The dreams that may probably crush me. Those things that will leave me so vulnerable, it'll be do or die.
When all is said I think it is important for me to know what I truly want. Mostly because I do not want to shock myself with my own revelations during a moment of delirium from a bad flu. Or when we are up on that mountain and I have been hit by a bout of Altitude Sickness.
Although right now what I really really want is a big breakfast. I love breakfast food. I would eat it 3 times a day if it wasn't so damn expensive. BEST (For the layman, Bacon, Eggs, Sausages and Toast), Pancakes with Syrup, Orange Juice and a Mocha or Yorghurt. Probably throw in some mashed potatoes with cream for the bacon. Don't judge me. It's because I haven't had breakfast in so long, I'm beginning to forget what it feels like to eat before noon. (I told you, the things that I truly desire will shock me)
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