Who Am I?

When I was in High School, the first lesson I ever had in Form 1 was CRE. We used to be taught by this Meru teacher whose name seems to have slipped my mind. The first thing she made us do was write an essay on "Who Am I?". That is when I decided CRE wasn't for me. I was too complex to be squeezed into an essay or so I thought.

This whole month, our church has been taking us through Personality Temperaments. Clearly, I'm not complex enough for an essay. Infact, I am so simple, only words are necessary to describe my whole personality. Anyway, for this to make sense, I will have to give a few definitions.

Sanguine
The Sanguine temperament personality is fairly extroverted. People of a sanguine temperament tend to enjoy social gatherings and making new friends. They tend to be creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean very sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when pursuing a new hobby, interest is lost quickly when it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy.
Choleric
A person who is choleric is a doer. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. They like to be leaders and in charge of everything.
Melancholic
A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholic disposition. Often very considerate, melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist. They are often self-reliant and independent.
Phlegmatic
Phlegmatics tend to be self-content and kind. They can be very accepting and affectionate. They may be very receptive and shy and often prefer stability to uncertainty and change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. In fact Phlegs are so laid back that they were almost cut as a personality type in the 1950's.

So back to the "Who Am I?" essay. According to our pastor, we are a mixture of 2 or more personalities. There's a dominant trait and then one or two minor ones. A decade and a half too late and I finally have enough courage to answer that question.

My name is Wairimu Maina. I am a "Melancholic-Phlegmatic". In other words I am sad and lazy. I had always thought it was a personality disorder. As it turns out I only have a Personality type that sometimes manifests itself as a disorder. The laziness is not on purpose, its just because I am too pre-occupied with much bigger and sadder things in life like war in the Middle East and hunger in Darfur. I think my personality type should have an AA group. (Speaking of AA groups, I read yesterday "I am not an alcoholic, I am a drunk....Alcoholics go for meetings!)

When I was much younger, I used to be chronically shy. I wasn't a loner per-se but I really did prefer not to be bothered. I still am shy, I have just learnt to cover it up. You see, I have an absolutely Choleric mother and by that I mean, she is 110% overpowering so my little shy character either had to step up my game or be crashed. She is so Choleric, it has over-powered all other temperaments that she may have. I chose to step it up but sometimes when I'm tired, I do crash under her small frame and then hold it against her for all time (or at least for a few hours). So I became a bit louder and fought a bit harder through life and now I am a bit more forceful with my ideas. I still hate presentations, absolutely can't stand crowds, loath small talk and if I can, I prefer to stay home in silence and read.

I am an introvert meaning I keep both joy and pain locked somewhere way way deep inside of me. That's why I occasionally come out as cold. I prefer to deal with my own emotions by myself. Its easier for people to deal with the best parts of me than the worst. The only emotions I think I have ever felt with completion are sadness and rage. That's why I don't like confrontation. But I am at my best at work when I am sad so sometimes its welcome. Especially jus before exams or when dealing with a confusing project. Strangely I am not as productive when I am happy. Maybe I might have to give up working when I get married or just find a new muse for inspiration.

I love to read but I hate the exams that follow. Luckily for me I also have an extremely large fear of failure and being left behind so yet another reason I fake being loud and hard working. That's why I think my family thinks I am driven. If they only knew (none of them read my blog, I checked so my secret is safe with us.) I have about 4,000 fears, give or take 173. None of which I shall share with you. I have no idea where my life is going so it scares me not to know what will happen to me in the future or even what I will be.

I don't think I am particularly that creative or have that much to offer the world but I come from generations of brilliant people. I think it's my greatest strength and I continually thank God for it. It's probably the only reason I have made it this far. I do however get bored very easily so what people mistake for creativity is pretty much me trying to fight imminent boredom.

Lastly, I can honestly say if I came back in another life, I 'd like to come back as a "Choleric-Sanguine". I'd love to be that decisive and driven. A total people-person who would take over the world. I'd embrace the crowds and love hanging out in parties. Right now, I am having a hard type even keeping myself interested let alone commanding whole crowds. But the world needs all types to keep spinning on its axis, so I guess it does need me if only for a little bit. I guess we all can't embrace crowds and love the world.

I did a test and found I was a INTP (Introverted, Sensor, Thinker, Perciever):
Intensely intellectual and logical, INTPs are conceptual problem solvers and often show flashes of creative brilliance. Outwardly quiet, reserved, and detached, INTPs are inwardly absorbed in analyzing problems. They are critical, precise, and skeptical and are driven to find and use logical principles to understand their many ideas. They like conversation to be high level and purposeful and may argue to the point of hairsplitting just for fun. INTPs are convinced almost exclusively by logical reasoning.

They set high standards – for themselves and for others. INTP’s think in extremely complex ways and are generally better at organizing new concepts and ideas than at organizing other people. Highly independent, INTP’s tend to be more interested in finding creative solutions to problems than implementing them on the ground level.
(I didin't make this up. I promise this is what they wrote)

Told you my creativity comes in flashes.............