The train.

It's been a strange month. That's the only way I can describe everything that has happened over the past 30 days or so. Without effort life made a cycle from great to good to bad to downright ridiculous and back again. The Mondays to Thursdays were rolling by in their usual monotonous tones but Friday - Sunday were shifting moods like a menopausal woman.

But I am glad that this month happened. Because of all that has happened, I realised that my life has pretty much been a passenger on a train heading to nowhere. Rolling along in whichever direction the wind blew. It is now time to jump off at the nearest station. I have come to realise that at some point I have to decide what it is I want out of my life in the long run. Where is my destination? Nowhere can't be my ultimate answer.

So now I'm at the train station. I haven't gotten onto the next train yet but I know I'm not getting back on the one that leads to "no hope" and perhaps "no future". I am not scared or excited or even impatient, but I am anticipating some kind of excitement. It is scary getting away from the familiar with no idea what lies ahead. But I have faith that at the very least, it'll be an educational journey. God hasn't given up on me yet so maybe I shouldn't give up on myself.

So I'll quietly sit on the bench and wait patiently wait for my train to come. I will carefully plan my route and anticipate whatever problems. I will map out the stops and the things I will do there. This is a part of my journey I don't want to rush. I can't wait to meet new people, learn new things, shed off the past and move ahead. It feels like I wasted decades chasing the wind but now it's time to chase something solid, tangible. Something I can look back on.

If you want to join me on my bench, maybe help me plan, have a cup of coffee, then you're welcome but if you are not, then have a safe trip and maybe at some point, our stops will cross and for a few minutes we can reminisce about the good old times on the train to nowhere. But I never want to get back on that train. Now with pen and paper in hand and a future in my sight lines, I shall wait for my train.