Value Added Life

There's a story I heard a few months back about this powerful chap who was chasing (or pursuing... chasing sounds just dirty.) down this equally powerful woman for marriage. Years came and went and she declined him again and again. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, she accepted his proposal. This gesture baffled this powerful man. A man not easily puzzled. After the flamboyant wedding, he asked her why she finally agreed to his advances. She gave a simple answer that seemed to impress this man not easily impressed. "I finally found what my purpose in your life was to be."

That got me thinking. Many of us have read books on purpose and value addition, attended conferences, listened to inspirational speakers and even done some yoga moves just to try and reach our inner purpose. But rarely do we seem to understand the full extent of purpose. I have been going through a soul searching, mind searching exercise about what purpose is and how my life should move from here on ... with purpose. No one leaves a true legacy in life, or even in another individual without a basic sense of purpose.

I have learnt that purpose has almost nothing to do with me as an individual, but it has alot more to do, with what I do as far as everyone else is concerned. What value am I adding in the world as I live in it. What will I leave behind when I go? Who will be affected (or infected...hehehe!) by my existence. Your purpose not only defines who you are as a person, it defines who other people perceive you to be. It defines what you do, how you do it and when you do it. It dictates what you say and how you say it. It decides what to look for and what to do when you find it. Even when the road to it is fraught with pain and damage and confusion. It keeps you on track and on goal. It directs you to the road you should take.

That's why finding your purpose is hard. Because it defines not only your existence but affects the existence of all those around you. It defines your whole life. So as I was writing down what I want to look back and see when I reach my twilight years, I started defining what my importance would be to the people around me. Would I be a confidant, a mediator, a shoulder to lean on, an inspiration, a friend, a mentor, a business partner etc. What value am I adding in their lives by being there? I quietly started noticing little negative trends that I had grown into. Habits that had become part of who I was. The complaining, the nagging, the "mild" stalking, the judging, the gossiping. I was clearly walking in the wrong direction.

I think in every relationship we have, whether business or personal or otherwise, it's important that we define what we want to give in that relationship. What we want to leave behind. We also need to define what we want to get out of it and how we want to get it. It needs to be more than just passion and feelings. It needs to be about action and returns. For example, if you enter into a business, its all well and good to be passionate about the venture, but alot of work is needed to get it up and moving and to the level you need it to be. Same reasoning is needed with relationships. Is it all about feelings and OMG's? What is your purpose there? Are you doing the legwork necessary to make it work?

It's important to know where you add value and where you don't. not just to imagine it and pretend that you are living but to truly know what it means to live a life of purpose. Just the same way you check who adds value to your life and who doesn't. Living and let live is all well and good, but in the process, you need to find out if your life is getting better or worse. If what you are doing will eventually get you to where you need to be. What are you losing along the way and what are you gaining? Are you living a value added life? On an unrelated note: The way I feel - Asa