(This scene takes place mid golf tournament. Matt is about to take a shot, swing, kick....well whatever its called)Please read this with a rich Southern drawl.It'll be more interesting.)
Charlize: We need to talk!
Matt: This is not a good time.
(Grabs his hand and drags him to the bushes)
Charlize: Where were you for the last 10 years. No phone call. I deserved at least some sort of correspondence. (15 minutes of words that went more or less the same...) You didn't even say sorry.
Matt: I'm sorry.
Charlize: Sorry? Sorry? It's too late for sorry.
Matt: Then what do you want me to say. I am truly sorry.
Charlize: (Bites her lip) This is not the right time for this conversation.
Matt: (Stands there probably thinking "I thought I said that half an hour ago)
Now if the above conversation makes perfect sense to you, then you are probably a woman. Because that's how we think. A thousand unfiltered words a minute. And most times we are not even sure when those words will just come stumbling out of the cellars and scar humanity.
They say that insanity is described as doing the same thing over and over again in the exact same way and expecting different results. Now no one does this better than a woman. I'm not here to batter women with their own rolling pins but there are days I look in the mirror and wonder "WTH is wrong with you? Is logic not sold at your kiosk?" But we are natural nags, so it goes without question that we would nag an issue into submission, Its not that the situation has changed, its just that we are insane and some situations (read, men) are afraid of being rubbed badly by your insanity. If food is bad today, cooking it in the same way tomorrow will not make it any better. So same rule applies to all situations. If loving a man today does not make him love you back, loving him in the same exact way tomorrow....well....no, just don't do it.
Then there's the "we need to talk..." that we are just soooo big on. Girls, unless its unplanned pregnancy or you have a fatal disease, a talk is never that badly needed and we know it. The only reason men finally accept to come to the "talk" is because until it happens, all the conversations thay will ever have will start with the ill-fated "we need to talk" Worst part is that most of the time the conversation is mundane. A break-up should never start with that sentence. A more direct, "I think we are going in different direction....it's not me, it's you" would work much better. Maybe we should consider trying another statement that would put them abit at ease seeing as years and years of using this line have yet to work their magic. Let's try "Hey, babe...dinner tonight." That should get him running towards you rather than away from you.
Judging from the very, very few "we need to talk" conversations that I've had, women seem to have an infinite ability to talk to themselves. Yes, he will show up and yea he will sit there pretending to pay attention but you might as well be talking to the blank wall. Only mad men and women talk to themselves for hours on end and expect a reply. So not to call myself insane or anything, but it's gotten to a point, I feel its easier to talk to myself and find solutions than to frustrate myself and still not find solutions. I think it is perfectly sane to believe so. Don't you?
Our mood swings are also anything but normal behaviour. One moment you're high on excitement and delirium, the next, you're wailing like a bereaved woman (Disclaimer: I promise I do not do that. Promise. :-) We lack emotional stability of any kind. I am starting to think that perhaps every woman should be allowed to carry a tranquillizer to control her emotions. Stablise her and maintain her sanity. It is a perfectly honest request. Screaming in meetings, stomping off because dishes have not been washed in the last 25 minutes, beating a man with a gift he may have thought very keenly about and screaming "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME." Not normal behaviour people. Not normal behaviour.
But in our defense, insecurity makes a woman more psycho than normal. Put her in a place where she feels she needs to defend her territory and she will scratch your eyes out so that she can sit by your bedside cleaning your wounds. As long as you are within a place she can watch you, she will be perfectly sane. Because, let's be honest, a woman's psyche is more often pegged on the kind of men she has around her at the time. So you have to accept, women are psychos but men are bastards. That's how the balance is maintained in the universe. If at least one part of the species was near normal, the world would tip on its axis, and then where would we be after that?
I will not even go into the torture we put ourselves through when dressing. Comfort is clearly never an option with alot of us....well, that's a story for another day.