Rambles of the night....(with accompanying soundtracks)

There are those days when you have so much on your mind but so little to say. And even that little you have doesn't seem to come out in understandable words. It's like a mixture of jibber jabber and blah-blah with a few conjectures of real english words like "and" and "but but..." and occasionally "ummm.." So today I start with my ramblings. (There're videos throughout as a soundtrack as you read. I like living my life with soundtracks. I'd like to think so.)

Beastly:
This weekend after a rather random night out that ended up giving me Insomnia, I ended up watching this rather cliche movie. To be the full spoil spot (you can tell the end from the beginning anyway...) it's about this chap who has everything and pegs his life on his looks. Then he pisses off the wrong female (you gotta love the female!) Once you lose what is on the outside, you better hope you have something inside left. Whether it's your looks or your money or your things. Because what is left inside you; Your integrity, your character, your talent. Your will. That's what will get you back from the rut. You better hope "you're not as aggressively ugly on the inside"

No Regrets:
I bumped into something I wrote to myself a long time ago. I do that sometimes. Write things to myself in the future. Maybe so that I don't lose who I really am. But I think it's because sometimes I'm so terribly bored, I need to write. "Live your life with no regrets" I thought that was pretty profound.....and also ridiculously foolish seeing as I was 18 and had no idea what regret means. But its a nice philosophy, don't you think? No regrets. Even when life hurts, best believe the good parts are worth it. Every single experience, live it with no regrets...

(I have loved this song for the longest time.Even before salvation)
You can't develop in isolation:
It takes me 3 days to process anything fully. I don't have instant reactions like most people. That's not how my emotions function. I hear, I understand, then I go home to process. Pain, excitement, shock. 3 days...No sooner. That's why I prefer everything piled on me on a Thursday, that way I have the weekend. Mid week decisions stress me. So when Number 1 said this, it took a whole night for me to understand its impact. but he didn't breed me to be spontaneous. Sometimes I don't think he realises it though. So I eventually made a decision. Much faster than it usually takes me. I figure, no matter how small the leap of faith, it is still a leap.

(The ultimate break up song. After, "bust the windows out ya car" and "before he cheats" but this one has the most amazing choreography! A.W.E.S.O.M.E.)
It's ok to cry......sometime:
Apparently. From one gangstar to another, it helps occasionally. Of course its not ok! to do the dirge wail like your a village professional mourner but it helps to open the water works once in a while. Let the pressure out. Although mine got abit over the top when I started shedding in church and in the office and around small puppies and laughing babies (they are so cute....the babies and maybe the puppies...and the chap that gave his wife flowers in church also.) But it felt shamelessly nice. Almost like sweating on a hot day, only without the stench. And on that note, it is ok! to miss people.

(This one is here because it helps me think. And I still don't get the name of the guy who sung it.)
Smile:
This week I stood infront of the mirror and looked at my smile. Like really looked at it. I have never really looked at it. I always thought it was crooked and abit shaky looking. Apparently not. It is nice. Like pretty and nice. I was pleasantly shocked. Next time I think I'll test my laugh on someone. Hear how it sounds. But after seeing my smile, I think it might be a kind of sexy (or maybe those irrational loud ones with a snort! I bet on that one more)

(coool.... :-)
The "Sahani" list:
We were talking with a pal about my bucket list. I'm going down it a mountain at a time...literally. But he thinks I'm too young to call it a bucket list. Bucket implies dying....and old. So now we've decided to call it a sahani list. (plate list...for the tourists among us!) But here's my thinking. A bucket list is supposed to be forever. Everyday is supposed to be exciting. See all you need, go everywhere you want, do what you desire. Don't have a list, Just live life. Everyday add something that you must do. Love, cry, laugh, climb, travel.

(if you do nothing else, watch this video. It broke my heart. I loooooved it!)

ps: We just got connected to fibre optics. :-) (I really hope that's what its called) The amazing world of technology....