The Mounting Pressure *sigh!

A friend of mine told me once a long, long time ago (in campus :) - that was a while back in my books) that I have 3 things working against me as far as relationships are concerned: I'm intelligent, I'm pretty and I come from a semblance of money. I didn't think much about it then. Mostly because I had a semblance of a boyfriend. But today as I woke up in the morning, it crossed my mind. My love life has shifted from bad-good-great-terrible-terrifying-I have no idea what's going on anymore. I don't know why it crossed my mind today in particular (actually I do-I just won't share) but as I waited for the milk to boil in the kitchen, I wondered if all these things I thought were my strong points were really my greatest weaknesses.


I work in an office full of men and in proper dude fashion, men don't filter their words. "Now you, who will have the guts to date you!" Mind you, we work in the same profession, drive the same cars, hang out in the same places but I am judged on a different standard when it comes to my love-life. I am not feminist enough to cry foul and sometimes I get where they are coming from but honestly I can't change who I am and least of all not for the sake of getting a man.

Another friend, this time female,announced her wedding that's will happen God-willing at the end of the year. She said "I knew it was him when I met him". I almost called her later to ask if she had seen him in a dream or it had been revealed to her with miraculous writings on the wall. Was the tingling in her fingers different from the other bunch of misfits she had dated before? What was so different about this dude she has known for less than a year. She's not the first one. I've heard this from a variety of people and it amazes me every time. Will I wake up one morning and realise "Woooord, I just dreamt that you're it. Let's do this"

I am afraid to tell my old lady that I'm going for yet another wedding. I can see the disappointment in her eyes. Almost see herself calculating how she should just arrange a marriage for me because I seem quite un-bothered or clearly under trained in the art of bagging a male. I sometimes want to tell her that its not that I am un-bothered, in fact I am plenty bothered.....but if I remember right she told me "Wairimu, women don't chase men. You wait for them to come to you!" but I live in such a far off house, even I sometimes wonder whether it'll just be easier to sleep in the office. However does she expect another person to drag themselves all the way there. There's a guy who dropped me off once and every time he made a turn, he kept saying that he felt like he was getting closer and closer to Limuru. And Limuru is far. Check Google maps if you don't believe me! And that was a good friend who I had to plead and trick into taking me home.Need less to say, he has not been back since. Now we meet at a convinient mid-point!

I am not a misfit in anyway when it comes to boy-girl matters but when you come from a family where your mother's every advice has to do with marriage and husbands, the pressure starts to build up subconsciously. She got married early so in her mind I am almost a decade too late. But much as she wants to pile on the pressure, men are not bought in supermarkets. You don't walk up to an aisle and decide whether you want Colgate or Trident. This is a serious decision and if I go wrong, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.


Without denying obvious truths, the pressure is on. Marriages and babies are happening everywhere. Whether I like it or not. Maybe I have already met "the one" (give me a moment to chuckle!) or maybe he's yet to come. Maybe my destiny involves going around the world warning young girls everywhere on the dangers of not dating early. I don't know. People have relationships that read like a script of a Romantic Comedy, I keep imagining mine will read like something from a script writer who got too carried away with his pen (and maybe smoked a bit in the process)so at the very least it'll be an interesting anecdote for when I am older.


Maybe I should move out (to my mother's horror), maybe I should stay put, maybe I should hang out in different places, maybe I should change crowds, maybe, maybe....the parameters are many and confusing. But as I go out less and less and work more and more, finally the only parameter shall involve the person who is willing to drive through the traffic to the leafy parts of town to see me. And if my mother asks, I'll just tell her, he made the effort to chase me to a place few have ventured....to my mother's house!