Lessons from dad

PROLOGUE:
This is probably one of the hardest articles I have ever written. It has been sitting on my machine for over a month now.I have deleted, edited, canceled, changed, re-written and still everything either feels overplayed, under described. There's always something wrong with what I'm writing.I hope I have found the right words.

Its no secret that I'm a daddy's girl. I wrote about it a bit here. So its only natural for me to compare men in my life, be it friends, boyfriends, acquaintances etc etc along those lines. In fact, I tend to pick and choose every man in my life along those lines. Few have disappointed. ;-)

I am actually writing this as much for myself as for the men in my life. That someday, you will have kids who want to say good things about you. I have realised with men it's a bit hard to connect with the family unit. To show them that you love them unconditionally. Especially with the pressure to perform and provide and put food on the table. So the fact that my paps did all that and still had time for us on a one on one basis, in my book, puts him head above the rest.

I am going to give you a few reasons why my father unknowingly made it hard for me to date. Like they say, you end up marrying your father (or as close to him as you can get!)I thank God daily that he gave me a high bar to judge from.

1. In God we trust:
This one came late for my old man. And maybe the amount of tragedy at the time pushed him a bit too hard towards God. But once he got there, I'm glad he didn't turn back. My father has always had his moral compass facing North. Even before he finally found God. So he was never that dude who drops his kids in church and then chills in the car with his Sunday Nation. He actually walked in and sat. So now that we're all grown, we go to church and we pray for our food and I try my best to mean every prayer for everything else. And my conscience is sometimes at an all time high. So its important for me to have someone who goes to church for himself and not for me. I need someone who can be my spiritual leader. My moral compass. Someone who will tell me, "no,that's wrong" and "no, babe, we can't do that!"

2. The hunter and gatherer(modern style):
I have never lacked anything I needed. Food, shelter, clothing, decent education. I have lacked alot that I wanted. Definitely alot of what I wanted. But anything that was important for development; Never ever. This is how it plays out in my house. My father tells you as honestly and as vaguely as possible where "we" stand financially and then he tells you what he will do and what he won't do. So I never went around thinking that my father is totally refusing to buy me stuff! I did occasionally wonder why he wasn't richer. But now I'm grown so I know where his money went. And I'm glad he did that.

3.The power of touch:
I once almost killed a man on a bike. It was as traumatic for me as it sounds. There was chaos, I was crying uncontrollably and there was a man and his bicycle stuck under my mother's car slowly fading. Like a very bad movie, I had a million friends over at my house(ok!they were like 8) and they were there to witness my impending doom. When my dad arrived on the scene, he hugged me told me everything was going to be fine and walked off to sort out my mess. That hug he gave me that day, meant more to me than he could imagine. I am not the touchy-feely type. In fact far from it. See why here But there comes a point when things are so bad, you just need the human touch. He has come through 5 out of 10 times. Even when its just squeezing my shoulder or a pat on the back.

4.Onyo Kali:
My paps is scared of ants, rats, spiders and all other strange and creeping creatures. Makes me wonder what shags he grew up in.Infact my mother is the vermin killer in the digs See their shananigans But no one messes with his family. He will wield panga, knives, clubs and all sorts of paraphernalia to protect us from noisemakers(a story for another day), madmen and other scrapes of society. Now that I think about it, its probably the reason he's very itchy about us guys walking around in the dark.If it was up to him, he'd still be dropping and picking us up and hanging around the parking lot in case something happens.

5.Number 1:
My father just doesn't say he was number 1. He was number 1 and he has papers to prove it. He knows everything about everything before Y2K.(After that he just knows matters involving politics). But he is my living, breathing wikipedia. It's good to have someone who challenges your thinking and advances your intelligence. We argue, we discuss, we agree and disagree. He's a brilliant mind when it comes to everything: business, religion, general knowledge and .... Kenyan athletics.Its good to have someone who either knows alot of things or has a proficient knowledge of google. Since he sill thinks google is a computer, I rank him among those who know alot of things.

6.A good laugh:
There's a healthy appreciation for humour in our house. Of all kinds. He is a true believer of laughter is good for the soul. So we watch everything from Churchill Live to Everybody Hates Chris to throwing jabs at those Mexican/Philipino/Naija things that have come to invade our comfort. He has also taught us to laugh at ourselves at the worst of times.

7.Paying Interest:
If his children are anything to go by, that man is a very patient man. He may not fully understand all the "business" ideas we throw at him but he listens and advices as best as he can. He has never once laughed and he has put money in everything we believed in. Of course I think he goes to his quiet place and prays that the Dear Lord would bless our ventures so that he can get his money back but time and time again he has proven that he believes in our ideas.

EPILOGUE:
My father is an old soul. Both physically and psychologically. He is vocal about all these modern things he doesn't understand and as such he also has more than his fare share of flaws. But this was not an article to highlight the fact that men with studs send him running for cover and that he hates sagging jeans or worse still, those ones that hug men on the crotch or that he has passed on to his sons that all important lesson "Jeans only come in the colour blue".

I don't want a person to be exactly like my dad coz he is still an old school hard liner in many ways. And seeing as me and the old lady are world's apart in our personalities, I may not attract an exact replica but if there's anything at all I have learnt, its that there are good men out there. I know a number(hola I swing you their digits)and in my opiion, their looks are not half bad, so there's nothing to be afraid of. They may not have everything put together and proper yet; but to be fair, my old man had a couple of decades head start to figure things out. But should I be lucky enough to get something close, that'll be enough for me!