Monday, May 28, 2012
This post is not about a laugh, or a cry. It is not about pain or suffering. We shall not be poking fun at my various misfortunes or laughing out loud at the *although hilarious* misfortunes of others. This post as you have seen is about "God, Change and me"
usually unwilling souls drag us through the mud. We hold it in. We embrace it. We let pain consume us until all that is left is a charred soul. A charred soul with no voice.
stopped innocent bystander on the street. I was getting hopeless. Even God didn't want to hear from me. I was done. The break was now complete.
for his own self pleasure, decided to give you a snide remark. You need to forgive your mother, your friend, your ex, your spouse, your child. I needed to forgive, first and foremost, myself. For all the things I felt I had let myself down for. For not making it as far as I thought I should, for thinking I was never good enough, pretty enough, bright enough, charismatic enough. I needed to forgive God. For everything. Nilikuwa naona nimetendewa. I felt betrayed, lost and I felt it was His fault. It was His responsibility to save me and He hadn't bothered. Later I realised that maybe He was preparing me for such a time as this. A point where I would be so broken, that there was only Him. Then there was everyone else, and slowly in equal measure it was time to put the past behind, one moment at a time. One painful experience after another.