Rocking it like Ndereba!

Everyone has one of those days when you feel like you added more than a couple of kgs in the middle of the night. Like you slept and woke up 2 sizes larger.You look at yourself in the mirror and the only thing you can think of is "I used to be so hot!" You're probably hotter now but hey, women lie, men lie but mirrors don't lie.

Yesterday was one of those days.

Due to some forces of nature and the incompetence of Kenya Power not to mention the rising cost of fuel that caused our generator not to be fueled, I ended up home way earlier than expected. Way way too early. So down the road I go heading home and all I can think of is how I have not walked or run or done any kind of exercise. Even by accident. No robbers have chased me down the street, I haven't gotten stranded in a desert and had to walk in search of water, I haven't seen anything important falling and had to dive to reach it. Just nothing. I was unfit and worse, I had woken up feeling fat. I wasn't fat the day before but yesterday, I felt like I had gained twice my weight in retained water and random fats from sausages and cookies.....(nb: cake will never make me fat. I should always remember that!)

So the closer I got to the house, the more I was convinced that I needed to do some exercise, any form really. Blame my desire to challenge myself. Blame my luck of foresight. Blame the shape of the moon and its ability to make me delirious and stupid. But I decided to run. I was going to hit the ground running. No need to ease myself in with sissy exercises and stretches and such.

So for a couple of minutes, I wasted my time looking for my running clothes. That was before I remembered that I had put my "gym" bag in the boot of the car sometime late last year with the intention to run. They were as clean as I last remember. I could have sold them at "mutush" fr a fine profit. They sort of shined into my face as I smiled proudly at my ill-conceived decision. (cue in Hallelujah song. and a light bulb)

I strapped my sneakers on. The ones with the pink that marched the pink on my StanChart marathon t-shirt. Diva in the area siyo. I looked hot and fit and ready to run for my weight. I was running for all that was good in my body. For my skin. For my liver. For my kidneys and heart. But mostly because I needed firm skin and glowing skin. I needed my firm skin to glow. But first things first. I walked down and ate the samosa and sausage that I had bought earlier.(It is bad to waste food.)

Out the door I went. Run, baby, run. I smiled. I did good. At the end of the first km, everything seemed to hang. Everything did not include my clothes. It meant my skin, my thighs, my cheeks. I left home with a firm body and now every step seemed to make everything shake more and more. Why did I ever think that this was a good idea? I had half a mind to go back. But then again, it was only half a mind. Then this really old looking chap came whizzing past me looking like he had never had a disease in his life. I decided I could do another km.

The next couple of minutes were not too bad. I was getting used to the shaking meaty parts. I could do this. Then I started to itch. Everything on every part of my body was itchy. Like little things were crawling over me with little metal legs. It was impossible. I told myself that those were bitter toxins getting out of my body. Shindweni. Trying to make me lose my resolve. I was going to run regardless.

Then my lungs collapsed. Just before my knees and then I started seeing dim.Like there was water in my eyes or something. My eyes were actually steaming up. I think I was sweating from every part of my body. my skin, my insides, my eyes. Everything was sweating. Well maybe my eyes were crying but I didn't care. I was exhausted and far from home. And in a stroke of brilliance, I had left my phone at home. Great, now I couldn't even send a 911 text. That was if I could text in the first place.

(a bad decision can only be learnt through experience!)

On the final stretch after considerably semi walking-semi crawling, I decided to do a slow jog. It would get me home and into bed faster. 3 minutes into this effort, a familiar car passed. OMG, number 1. The Lord is good. He slowed down, I sped up then he sped off. He later told me he thought I was doing so well, he figured he'd waste my efforts by offering me a ride. I could have killed him with my dagger eyes.

I did eventually get home. With no thanks to myself. For 7km of torture, I rocked it like my girl Catherine Ndereba. I hear she was running behind me for a while there. She never got to me.I figured I was running way too fast for her. But the reality might be she just turned off at the next corner. But technically, I was rocking it with my gal, Cathy.

(please tell me you can see the resemblance.it's uncanny!)

Will I be running again. Probably, maybe. Just as soon as my feet recover and I can walk without looking like an overstuffed duck.

Ocean Blues

I'm seated in the lounge. Comfortable chair this one, I think to myself. The kids are playing in the pool with a very loud woman on a PA system. Why would she be on a PA system. Its not like she wants all of us here to "swim faster, swim faster and now blow the balloon". The pool is really not that big and she sounds like that girl for the Wedding Show.... unmistakably irritating. But I'm not irritated....at least not as I should be. Adele is playing in the background. Hometown Glory. If she was a dude, I'd have serious crush on this girl. I already have a serious affair with her voice. I would cheat on the love of my life with that voice (you know I don't mean that literally)

There's something surreal about this day. Something quiet and undisturbed. The ocean is somewhere beyond the noisy girl and her kids blowing balloons. Some guys are fishing. They are gangly but look like they have more strength in those small muscles than anyone could ever imagine. They were built for this ocean. They were built to fish. They were built to feed.They were built for freedom.

If I had time, I would ask them for a ride. I'd like to go fishing. See what life is like in the ocean without the fanciness. With just the raw energy of the waves and the hard working sweat of these men. To experience that freedom. I think it would be awesome and different but mainly awesome. Very awesome. There's something brilliant about the waves as I sit here waiting for a ride that is too many hours too late. It's calming and easy. Like there are no worries in the world out there in the open waters. Like this powerful force couldn't harm a fly, let alone turn around whole nations.Like all you have to do is let go and let the tide take you where it will.

Amazing isn't it.

But there's work, there's family, there's responsibility, there's just stuff. Those waves may momentarily drown that weird girl screaming strange things at the pool but that's just it. It's only for a moment. As soon as the car shows up, and I open the front door to the rest of my life, I will have to forget the happily free fishermen, and the soothing waves and the kids who are a bit too excited to blow their balloons and I'll have to face my realities. A reality much further than the ocean can reach.

But for just this moment, this one moment, nothing else matters but this view. Nothing feels as right as this moment.

Having a Bad day?

So the other day, the old man comes home frustrated to the last F. He was tired. Let's just say it had not been his best day. Some Kenyan runner had just won yet another marathon. Usually my father loves athletics. There's a reason we still watch Olympics in the house. But this day, he just stood up and mumbled "This guy only have 2 legs and they just brought in 7 million. I have been on 4 wheels the whole day and I made nothing. and I still have my 2 legs. idiots!"

(Random photo to invoke national pride)
My mother laughed a hearty one right there. She knows he was frustrated but it is important to have a good laugh at the end of the day. Luckily, he also laughed. A hearty one. Bad days happen to everyone. But I am slowly coming to appreciate that the worst days produce the funniest anecdotes. Not too many people laugh at your stories of your good days. But tell them about the day you had a hit and run with a donkey in shags while you were innocently walking home and you will see how you will have a roaring audience.

even the donkeys will laugh
I think the only thing needed to fix a bad day is a good audience. My father is lucky he has my mother. My old lady has one of those laughs that can only invoke only one of 2 reactions: either you join her or you suppress the urge to punch her in the face. You know kama ile ya Cess wa CapitalFm Her husband tends to choose reaction 1. I think that was one of his best decisions because now he has an audience always willing to laugh at him when things go wrong. Bad days be damned.

Last year I had a rather ridiculous fender bender with my boss' car. Now every event we go for, he is sure to drop that story in every time the conversation moves to cars and women. It always seems to have extra-exaggerated additions and extra-exaggerated gestures but I stand there looking particularly embarrassed while all this rich old people have a good laugh at my expense. It was not quite as dramatic as he likes to portray it. Yep. Only fond memories of that day.

So if you think you are having a bad day, gather you're peeps around you. You'll be amazed what a good laugh at yourself does to raise your spirits.


Happy Easter! :)

Shameful! Just shameful!

"Calling on the name of the Lord doesn't make what you're praying for right!"

I should know. I have prayed for alot of nonsense in my time. Maybe its so that I can clear my conscience and I admit sometimes it's so that I get forgiveness before crimes are commited. But there are some things that I know are wrong and if there's a prayer I am going to pray is "I'm sorry"

The tribe I hail from has rather crude talking habits. I have to admit. We are at pains to find words of courtesy. Thank you, I'm Sorry, Forgive me, nothing.... a pretty harsh tribe if you're the overly-sensitive type. But we have slowly come to learn that it is important not only to be courteous but to admit to your mistakes and wrong doings. So we have adopted other languages to incorporate these words. I guess my ancestors learnt that some words cannot be lived without.

I was listening to CapitalFm a few minutes ago and one prolific politician or clergyman (at the time I didn't know which) declared that "Shetani ameshindwa" (Satan has been defeated) and I just wondered, how often is what we do blamed on the devil. I heard a story of a thief who had been caught stealing offering baskets. Upon being asked why he did it, he replied with tears: "The devil made me do it." I thought it was a hilarious story but we could all tell, after all excuses have run out, we blame the devil.

If I sin or commit a crime, however small and God decides to forgive me without my asking or confessing, do I go screaming the devil has been defeated or do I ask for forgiveness and promise never to do it again? I think it is important to tell the difference between faith and arrogance. Sometimes we confuse the two. Just because I prayed, it does not mean that whatever I did becomes right. It is still very wrong. More so now when I know it is wrong.

When forgiveness comes it is not meant to be a show of arrogance. Its not a time to show how awesome you are as a person. It is a time of humility. A time to accept that someone else saw it fit not to punish you to the full extent of your crime. We tend to think, just like the Ocampo6, no matter what our wrongs are, we can just be running back and forth to God to fix it so that we can run back and do the same offence. God is not an antiseptic neither is He your everyday rehabilitation center. Even with antiseptic, you have to apply it in the correct place for it to heal your wounds. So in the same way, when we do wrong, we have to to confess the correct sin to expect forgiveness. In fact what I should be saying is we have to confess first.

Having a powerful man of God place his hands on your head for "show" does not make you automatically forgiven. It does not make the people watching you endear themselves to your hypocrisy. If anything it angers them even more. I don't know whether it angers God as much. I can not speak on behalf of His mercy but I don't think He likes being taken for a fool. I do believe it has to be genuine and sincere. And sincerity is not shown by insulting other people,innocent or not, in your prayers. An insult is an insult, whatever context it's put in. We forget all too often that this same God who gave to us grace so generously can just as easily take away. That as much as we may try to blind side with other theatrics, He still knows what you did (last summer and the summer before that!)

This is not just for the politicians who if it were left to me, I would strike with lightening. But this is for me too. A person who believes that if I ignore a situation long enough, I may never need to repent and hence my conscience will be clear. My conscience should never be clear of things that I have done wrong. Never. And I should be ashamed for not having the guts to admit that I need forgiveness when I need forgiveness. To think that I can deceive those I have done wrong by throwing my faith in their faces. Throwing the name of God in their faces. Shameless. Just shameless.

That is a sin in 2 counts in my book and in God's book:

You have used the Lord's name in vain (Ex 20:7)
And you have lied (Ex 20:16)

Whether you feel like it or not and whether you think you are in the wrong or not, putting yourself in a place of humility gives you a power you can never experience unless you try. It teaches you that with every deed we do, whatever it may be, that there shall be consequences and regardless of consequences, we must be ready to do the right thing by others that we may have hurt first, and then by ourselves. Humility has to be learnt and embraced. It may not be for all of us but the least we can do is show we are trying to humble ourselves. Trying to own up to our mistakes.

We have become a shameful nation where we believe that all that is needed is for us to show up with a pastor in tow and it automatically abdicates us from our crimes. I believe this is not just happening with the people in power, even us little people down here are using such antics to cover out mistakes. Such antics may work for the brain washed but for the people who see our souls, they may never say it but they will be waiting for you to own up to your mistakes. There are some things we can laugh off but not all people are equal and some people may not find it as easy as you do to find humour in all things.

So next time you are about to steal someone's favourite pen in the office, stand someone up on a date without apology, hold a grudge over some little thing, drive over your neighbour's flowers, hold loud prayer meetings at night or whatever, just think if you are ready to ask for forgiveness from those you are openly make suffer. Or whether you will bring your Bible study group to come and condemn them for daring to "talk back to" a "Child of the Almighty" or be banished to the "fires of hell" If you aren't maybe you should just not do it.

Ocampo 6 - My take

A father comes home one day. Declares to his family in his most sympathetic voice "I'm afraid we're running out of money. I am selling the car and we need to move to a smaller house. I suggest we even cut back on our food. Ugali na skuma until we get back on our feet." Since he has raised a trusting and loving family, they accept this conditions. They believe that with time, they will get back to their big house and drive their big car. Life will be good. A few months later, his eldest meets a friend who works at the Laico Regency.

"I see your father alot nowadays. He's quite a customer."

(shock in face)

"Yeah. He books himself in for at least one week every month and he's very big on tips."

(more shock on face)

If this was your family story. What would you do? Do you go back home? Do you match up angrily to the Laico or do you go buy a gun?

That was the kind of confusion that went through my mind yesterday as I watched the first 3 of the Ocampo 6 being read their rights. The spoilt members of our society that we have raised to believe that they can do anything without consequences. That everything in life is a joke. I watched in horror as minutes after they walked out of that courtroom where they were warned of engaging in speech related to the case, they declared in unison that they shall hold the biggest political rally yet. I watched in shame as a Kenyan shamelessly talked back to a judge in the highest court in the world. I watched in embarrassment as words that should not come out of a sane's persons mouth were heard from the lips of a Kenyan. These were my people. These are the people that had led my country.

Have we no shame?

A leader defines who his followers are. Our leaders define who we are. A nation of delinquents and truants. A nation that does not seem to have a sense of what is important. A nation that seems to forget all too fast of our past. A past that should not be forgotten or taken lightly. It angered me. It angered me that with a constitution to pass, 40 of our MP's got onto planes to go to a court that could not accommodate them. It angered me that a criminal suspect could be booked into a hotel room larger and more expensive than 95% of housing in this nation. It angered me that I felt helpless to lash out.

We take things lightly. I will admit even I had forgotten. There was not much to remember since I was hanging with my friend as it happened. I was part of a diaspora who's only effect was that Nakumatt was only open for half a day instead of 24 hours. But yesterday as I watched our own countrymen look defiantly at the judge and crack jokes (CRACK JOKES!!) I realise it doesn't need to have happened to me for me to feel that hundreds were killed while we watched. That hundreds of thousands lost their homes. I was embarrassed that I had forgotten.

The guy you sat next to in the mat, his father was probably slaughtered while he watched. The cleaning lady in your building, she probably lost her land because she came from a community that didn't belong. The girl you are trying to hit on at the bar, maybe she fought her way out of being raped by her "friends". I heard stories of mothers who saw their families being hacked by their neighbours, people who were burnt in their churches and in their homes. Strangers kicking families out of their land and taking over their animals. This was not happening in another state. This was happening to us. Our country.

We are surrounded by countries which have been ripped apart by civil war.Sudan, Somalia, Rwanda. We have seen how far back such violence can take a country. Why do we want to take that lightly? Why do we want to crack jokes and say things like "Madam Judge those accusations sound like they are from an action movie!"? Are we serious. If I was the judge I would throw you in just for taking this matters so lightly. People in their constituencies not only died but became butchers and guerrillas. Children and women died next door to their mansions. Blood was flowing in their drains and sewers.

I am not saying that the 6 are guilty or that they are the only ones. I don't even know what kind of evidence that Ocampo has on them. But the least they could be is remorseful for the people who did this. Sad for what their country went through. Not defiant and arrogant. This is not a vacation. It's all too real for too many people in this country. IDP's are yet to be resettled. Medical bills are yet to be cleared. Houses are yet to be rebuilt and land is remaining fallow because it's hard for some people to rebuild their lives without their loved ones. Lives were destroyed.

I don't think those 40+ MP's understand that. Smiling at the camera like they just got on a plane for the first time in their lives. Waving flags and singing songs with words they barely know and don't seem to understand. The infrastructure of this country is fighting to stand, the constitution is yet to be discussed and passed, inflation is nearing an all time high, drought is beckoning in many parts of this country, the poverty gap is widening with each passing day and yet they saw it fit to get on a plane with our money and go on vacation.

This 6 are alleged criminals and they should be treated as such. I'm not advocating for us to shun them but I'm asking that we stop praising them. These are not celebrities and we shouldn't be escorting them in planes full of fans with hired dancers at the airport. We should not be delaying other peoples flights because they are coming through. If anything, they should be hiding in shame that they could be mentioned in something so grave. The Hague is not a place to hold political rallies and sing ridiculous songs while we hold hands.

We have much bigger issues that are affecting us, that need our money and compassion. I am not sorry that I don't think that the Ocampo 6 need my money or compassion. Infact I will assume my money is the one building roads and buying hospital beds and mosquito nets. Because if its my money paying first class tickets and hotel room bookings for alleged slaughterers, I will burst a vein.

Our country deserves better. Our people deserve better than what they are getting. Much more than we are willing to give. Let us not forget the path that we started heading down in 2007. Let us not forget that feeling of helplessness because that might just be our saving grace. Yes, we can pray for them. Because well the future in a Columbian International prison is rather daunting but they made their beds, we should stop being too willing to jump into it with them.

bloggy tag day

you've got to meet one of my new fav blogs to follow - GraceKay from Life Happens hers is interesting and different and her heart always seems so gentle. I don't know how I bumped into her blog but I've been an avid reader since. It's simple and nice so she went ahead and tagged me in this here post. (I have never met you but you're definitely on my bucket list!)

Rule 1: the tagged person must post answers to the questions on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new one they've formulated themselves (Hmmm....did someone just make this up!)

Rule 2: tag 4 people to do this quiz


1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?

I'm not an animal lover. The only way I'd like to be near animals is in a park when I'm in one those cool tourist van thingys.

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?


Where to start....I have always wanted to sing in concert but my voice is of questionable character. That's a decent start I think


3. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Gracekay said such awesome profound things. Now ... First things first, there some awesome shoes I'd like to buy, clear my loans (especially HELB) buy a sizeable house for myself. From there. I can think of investing the rest!

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

A good laugh from good friends never fails. There are just some friends who know w'sup But lately even chocolate cake seems to do the trick nicely.


5. What is your bedtime routine?

Brush my teeth, change into comfortable clothing or cloth as the case may be, throw in a dvd and fall into a deep sleep. The dvd habit is one that I've been unable to kick. Sad but true!


6. Name something that has surprised you this week about motherhood - i changed this question cause i don't have a child yet - Name something that has surprised you this week about being a woman.........


In church they were talking about "Pink Men". Men who just don't want to step up and play their role. I learnt that women play a large part in making men who they are from childhood to grown men. I learnt I have a role to play in making my men real men.....as a woman!


7. What kind of books do you read?

Everything other than self help books.I'm currently in between The Introvert Advantage, John Grisham's "The Summons" and He's Just Not That Into You.

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years?

Married and successfully running a "Top 100 Mid-Sized" Company.

9. What’s your fear?

Dying alone. Strange I know but very true.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?

Could you repeat that question in different words.

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?


hit snooze


12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be? Or, if you’re single - if you could choose a significant other who looked like anyone in the world, who would it be?

hmmm... I smell a trick question here.....


13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Shaniqua. Always wondered what it would be like to be that bad arse ghetto chic with a weave more expensive than my apartment.


14. if you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?

Rain. You can always dress for the rain. In hot weather, you can only be allowed to remove so many clothes before you're arrested.


15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

Ugali, skuma and nyam chom. Does that count as 1 thing.

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?


It helps keep the voices in my head sane.


17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?

Salty any day.


18. What items are in your purse right now?

My handbag handle broke. So what's in the paperbag.....wallet, diary, wet wipes, tissues, tic tacs, elastoplast, emergency for emergencies, lip balm, vaseline, 2 pens, 3 flash disks, my phone, a charger, a small lotion and a small body splash, car keys.

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go?

beach. I did the mountain last year.

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn't? i don't own a tv so i changed this one to - what websites do you visit a lot that you know you shouldn't?


Lamebook.com Hilarious and silly.


there you have it peeps!! thanks a lot danni, this was fun :D

i'd love to hear from - ShikuMsa, Green Calabash, Mrs Mwiti and Lamzana

Nearing 30

I was taken aback by the question. Yes I was barreling into pre- midlife crisis but I have never really thought about it. Like really thought about it.

Where do you want to be when you're 30?

Uiiiii! Just the other day I was 21. Where does time fly off to. The only thing I wanted when I was 21 (which was just the other day) was for campus to stay forever and ever. We should always be that invincible. I lived a breath at a time. I had so much faith in myself, that it couldn't even be called faith. It was a phenomenal time. Nothing and no one really mattered. Other than myself. And now here I am, being asked about my life into old age and beyond.



As I looked at my phone and wondered what to say to this person I could not lie to, all I saw was the next couple of months. I had so much to think about. Tomorrow, the day after that. Next month. Short term goals with no real ambition. I just wanted to eat, breath and be merry!

"I want to have found happiness :)"

I hope that sounded convincing enough and if the rest of the conversation was anything to go by, I think I did. But as I prepared for bed, it got me thinking...I'm almost there. What do I want to have achieved? Where do I want to have gone? Who do I want to be? I'd have lived 3 decades and counting, what will I have to show for it?

When I was younger, slimmer and with a tonne more energy, I knew what my life was going to be until my great grand kids twice removed. I had a plan and a (sort of) purpose. That was of course until I came into the real world and realised that my life plan and the world's plan were on two different galaxies. So I started living day to day. Then slowly I started living a moment at a time.

The question was a reality check. I have so much life ahead of me and I have very little idea what I am going to do with all of that. I figured that the reason for living will come to me like a movie. I will wake up one morning and with the birds singing and flowers blooming, my reason for living ill become clear. This week I'm doing a small test to determine what it is I am good, what I'm best at and what I really like doing but I suck at. (You'd be shocked how many terrible things you enjoy doing)

But life is really not about what you do. It is about who you are. Losing perspective of that is losing a small part of your life. Living life to the fullest doesn't mean the promotion or making the most money (and I do like money, don't get me wrong). For me life means doing what you need to do without compromising who you really are. Anything that makes you uncomfortable and beats at your conscience is not as "worth it" as you think.

Of course I'd like to eat in nicer restaurants and travel for my holidays and live in a house I like. And I will work my bum skinny for it but not at the expense of my happiness or my loved ones. Every moment doesn't need to be quantified by how much you make and keep in the bank but it can be quantified by how much you make yourself happy and more importantly those around you.

30 is just an age, just like 19 or 21 [ok, maybe not like 21 :)] and really the most I can do about it is live my life. Worry never did anyone any good so I doubt I will be the first. So what if I won't have achieved everything I wanted to achieve. I'm only human and life shall not stop to wait for me to complain. So I don't think I feel like waiting for it to screw me over.

So what do I want to have achieved by 30? I want to have achieved life.