Good women:

After being known as a sufficiently philanthropic soul, I have decided to take it upon myself to help my fellow women in the fight to understanding their men. If KICC was anything to go by last year, we are definitely a species under distress, despair and desperation.If women the country over could beat up helpless guards just to touch the garment of a thieving Nigerian man, then I think we need more than just intervention. We need Jesus.....and the wise word from a friend who sent me this link in a plea to free the Kenyan women. Here are a few tips of how to nab the man of your dreams.

"How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.
Armed with the following five techniques, a man will feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.

1. LET HIM KNOW YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT HE'S SAYING.
A man won't open up to you unless he knows you care. One of the best ways to convey this to him is through your body language. To show your interest, unfold your arms, lean into him and allow your eyes to meet his in a natural way.Let him know that you get what he is saying with a nod of the head or a raise of your brow.
Also, try "mirroring," which means that you absorb his body movement and convey it back to him. So if he looks stressed telling a story, you look stressed as well. It's like saying, "I feel what you are feeling. I'm putting myself in your shoes."

2. BE NONJUDGMENTAL.
No man is going to let you into his real thoughts if he senses he is going to be criticized or put down. Leave out comments like "How could you do something like that?" or "That's not something I would do."
Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly without judgment and you'll be surprised at all that comes out. You don't have to condone or agree with everything he says. You're simply creating an environment where he has the freedom to say it.

3. DON'T USE THE WORD "WHY."
When psychotherapists are in training, they are often taught to erase the word "why" from their vocabulary, because "why" questions frequently sound negative and critical.
When you ask a man, "Why did you do it that way?" it can come across as "Are you stupid, why on earth would you choose to do it that way?" Now he's on the defensive before you even finish the sentence. Practice using substitutes such as "Tell me more about it" instead of "Why did you do it?"


4. NEVER SAY, "WE NEED TO TALK".
Nothing makes a man want to talk less than hearing "We need to talk." It conveys the message that he's done something wrong, he's in trouble for it, and you are going to let him have it. He will shut down before the conversation starts.
The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. Choose a time when you are both doing a small task together such as light cleaning or cooking, which takes the harsh focus away from "the talk" and will make him more comfortable. Remember not to approach him while he is involved in something important to him like Monday night football.

5. LEARN HOW TO REALLY LISTEN.
Chances are you always listen to him but you don't always hear him. How many times have you had something else on your mind as he is talking to you? Or maybe you are thinking about what you're going to say next instead of paying full attention.
It's important to stay in the "hear" and now with him, rather than letting your own thoughts or the outside world intrude. A man can sense when you really want to hear what he has to say -- true listening is the best way to get him talking true to you."

I slept about half way through the whole article. Which really doesn't help my cause. It is just alot of hoola baloo from a man who has too many feelings *runs and hides*. Anyway, maybe I don't know much about men. Seeing as I'm not a man it, would be insane for me to think I know anything about dudes (other than they watch alot of sports when you want to watch Grey's Anatomy and they pick their noses in public). So I hope my concerned friend helped you a little bit. I know when I finally jump into that band wagon, I shall definitely try to use number 5. Definitely.

My Problem with Modern- Day Weddings…

When I was a kid and I truly believed in fairy tales and prince charming, my magical wedding included a tall, dark and disturbingly handsome man, myself, and 50 of my closest and dearest people specially picked to witness the magical union. There was always, for some reason a yellow heavenly glow coming through the windows that seemed to fall only on me. This magical wedding was going to happen on a lovely Tuesday afternoon at a tiny church at some far corner of St. Andrews to be officiated by a pastor who knew that a sermonnette meant preaching for 10 minutes and not shaving off 10 minutes from his usual 2-hour sermon. As the years passed, I started preferring to be prettier than my men, my perception of marriage changed and I know for a fact that unless I’m planning to wed at around the same time I’m battling menopause, that Range rover that will act as my transport will not be owned by me.

My perception of the wedding however never changed. There was a reason I wanted a Tuesday wedding and the reason holds true up til today. I have never wanted the circus wedding I see nowadays. Don’t read me wrong? I have no problem with the concept of marriage. In fact I think, next to finding your calling in life, there’s nothing cooler than finding your “soul mate”. That person who will be your best friend, your think tank, your sounding board, your biggest fan and sometimes your most critical advisor. And if you have found that person, more power to you. My problem is with the actual wedding.

I believe whoever began the ridiculous notion that the wedding day is the best day of a girl’s life should be shot in the knees. I am yet to meet a bride who enjoyed the build up to her “big” day. They enjoyed their wedding day somewhat but if anything, they were more relieved at the end of the day than at the beginning. And wouldn’t it be incredibly sad if the happiest day of your life was on your wedding day? Can you imagine how the next half century will be like? And how unlucky if you decide to marry young and you still believe that single day is meant to be the “best” day? It means that you hit the highest point of your life long before your sell by date.

Marriage is supposed to be a sacred union between the wife, the husband and God. What 1000 people are doing breathing down their necks (the neck of God included) on the day the vow is being made, always baffles me. The reason so much money is spent, loans are taken, months of footwork are done, is hardly ever for the bride or the groom, and definitely not for God. It’s for the 1,000 or so people who at best, will complain about everything they set their eyes on during the wedding day. The food, the dress, the grounds, the pastor, the length of the ceremony, the distance they traveled, the bridesmaids dresses, the cutlery. Who gives a damn about the distance you traveled or that you don’t like eating on plastic plates? If you wanted proper dishes at a distance of your convenience, you should have done just that; Eaten at home. In fact you should be grateful that the happy couple decided to give you an invite to celebrate this day with them. (that is if you didn’t crash the event and still have the audacity to be judgmental).

If your dream wedding always included sending an invitation to every member of your village constituency and you have the money to feed them, entertain them and house them, then go ahead. I am happy for you. I will even come and dance in a circle and sing in foreign languages I neither speak nor understand. But my question still remains, if you’re working on a budget that even Cinderella in her “mboch” days would be ashamed of, why are you insisting on the horse and carriage when you can barely afford the pumpkin? Is the perception of everyone else in the world more important to you than your own personal comfort? Than even the comfort of the person who is vowing before you and God to stand by you forever?

But sometimes, in defense of the misguided bride, dreams and reality clash. And the bride is unable to reconcile the lack of funds with the lack of glamour. You are not meant to spend your days dreaming of that one day when you have a lifetime afterwards that still needs to be planned for. The best weddings I have attended so far have had little in the way of pizzazz. They were charming and simple which made the focus entirely on the couple and little attention was paid to the colour of the flowers or the material of the bridesmaids’ dresses.

Of course I enjoy a big over-the-top wedding just as much as the next person. If not more. The dresses are always so much cooler and the grounds….wololo. And it is always a wow! moment the first time you see cakes shaped like goats and village huts. But you know what…..a week down the road; few of the guest remember the pizzazz. They might shamelessly remember that they never got their pre pack cakes to take to their 14 kids at home and that there were no cold Fanta Pineapples, but only the couple will remember what the day was truly about. That’s my biggest problem with modern day weddings. Is the wedding really worth it if no one knows why they are truly there? Unfortunately in modern day weddings, even the bride and groom seem to forget what the day is about.

Disclaimer: If I invite you to my wedding and the cake is shaped like Zebras in the Mara complete with trees and rivers; and it ends up looking more like a Gor-AFC meet than the charming little set up I described earlier…….IT’S HIS FAULT. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Lessons from dad

PROLOGUE:
This is probably one of the hardest articles I have ever written. It has been sitting on my machine for over a month now.I have deleted, edited, canceled, changed, re-written and still everything either feels overplayed, under described. There's always something wrong with what I'm writing.I hope I have found the right words.

Its no secret that I'm a daddy's girl. I wrote about it a bit here. So its only natural for me to compare men in my life, be it friends, boyfriends, acquaintances etc etc along those lines. In fact, I tend to pick and choose every man in my life along those lines. Few have disappointed. ;-)

I am actually writing this as much for myself as for the men in my life. That someday, you will have kids who want to say good things about you. I have realised with men it's a bit hard to connect with the family unit. To show them that you love them unconditionally. Especially with the pressure to perform and provide and put food on the table. So the fact that my paps did all that and still had time for us on a one on one basis, in my book, puts him head above the rest.

I am going to give you a few reasons why my father unknowingly made it hard for me to date. Like they say, you end up marrying your father (or as close to him as you can get!)I thank God daily that he gave me a high bar to judge from.

1. In God we trust:
This one came late for my old man. And maybe the amount of tragedy at the time pushed him a bit too hard towards God. But once he got there, I'm glad he didn't turn back. My father has always had his moral compass facing North. Even before he finally found God. So he was never that dude who drops his kids in church and then chills in the car with his Sunday Nation. He actually walked in and sat. So now that we're all grown, we go to church and we pray for our food and I try my best to mean every prayer for everything else. And my conscience is sometimes at an all time high. So its important for me to have someone who goes to church for himself and not for me. I need someone who can be my spiritual leader. My moral compass. Someone who will tell me, "no,that's wrong" and "no, babe, we can't do that!"

2. The hunter and gatherer(modern style):
I have never lacked anything I needed. Food, shelter, clothing, decent education. I have lacked alot that I wanted. Definitely alot of what I wanted. But anything that was important for development; Never ever. This is how it plays out in my house. My father tells you as honestly and as vaguely as possible where "we" stand financially and then he tells you what he will do and what he won't do. So I never went around thinking that my father is totally refusing to buy me stuff! I did occasionally wonder why he wasn't richer. But now I'm grown so I know where his money went. And I'm glad he did that.

3.The power of touch:
I once almost killed a man on a bike. It was as traumatic for me as it sounds. There was chaos, I was crying uncontrollably and there was a man and his bicycle stuck under my mother's car slowly fading. Like a very bad movie, I had a million friends over at my house(ok!they were like 8) and they were there to witness my impending doom. When my dad arrived on the scene, he hugged me told me everything was going to be fine and walked off to sort out my mess. That hug he gave me that day, meant more to me than he could imagine. I am not the touchy-feely type. In fact far from it. See why here But there comes a point when things are so bad, you just need the human touch. He has come through 5 out of 10 times. Even when its just squeezing my shoulder or a pat on the back.

4.Onyo Kali:
My paps is scared of ants, rats, spiders and all other strange and creeping creatures. Makes me wonder what shags he grew up in.Infact my mother is the vermin killer in the digs See their shananigans But no one messes with his family. He will wield panga, knives, clubs and all sorts of paraphernalia to protect us from noisemakers(a story for another day), madmen and other scrapes of society. Now that I think about it, its probably the reason he's very itchy about us guys walking around in the dark.If it was up to him, he'd still be dropping and picking us up and hanging around the parking lot in case something happens.

5.Number 1:
My father just doesn't say he was number 1. He was number 1 and he has papers to prove it. He knows everything about everything before Y2K.(After that he just knows matters involving politics). But he is my living, breathing wikipedia. It's good to have someone who challenges your thinking and advances your intelligence. We argue, we discuss, we agree and disagree. He's a brilliant mind when it comes to everything: business, religion, general knowledge and .... Kenyan athletics.Its good to have someone who either knows alot of things or has a proficient knowledge of google. Since he sill thinks google is a computer, I rank him among those who know alot of things.

6.A good laugh:
There's a healthy appreciation for humour in our house. Of all kinds. He is a true believer of laughter is good for the soul. So we watch everything from Churchill Live to Everybody Hates Chris to throwing jabs at those Mexican/Philipino/Naija things that have come to invade our comfort. He has also taught us to laugh at ourselves at the worst of times.

7.Paying Interest:
If his children are anything to go by, that man is a very patient man. He may not fully understand all the "business" ideas we throw at him but he listens and advices as best as he can. He has never once laughed and he has put money in everything we believed in. Of course I think he goes to his quiet place and prays that the Dear Lord would bless our ventures so that he can get his money back but time and time again he has proven that he believes in our ideas.

EPILOGUE:
My father is an old soul. Both physically and psychologically. He is vocal about all these modern things he doesn't understand and as such he also has more than his fare share of flaws. But this was not an article to highlight the fact that men with studs send him running for cover and that he hates sagging jeans or worse still, those ones that hug men on the crotch or that he has passed on to his sons that all important lesson "Jeans only come in the colour blue".

I don't want a person to be exactly like my dad coz he is still an old school hard liner in many ways. And seeing as me and the old lady are world's apart in our personalities, I may not attract an exact replica but if there's anything at all I have learnt, its that there are good men out there. I know a number(hola I swing you their digits)and in my opiion, their looks are not half bad, so there's nothing to be afraid of. They may not have everything put together and proper yet; but to be fair, my old man had a couple of decades head start to figure things out. But should I be lucky enough to get something close, that'll be enough for me!

To whom much is given....

.....much is required. Or so it is said. In many places including the good book of the Lord. Well, if you are like me and all you have to go on is a pretty face and a keyboard then all that is expected of you is an occasional blog post and a rare but well photo-shopped picture of yourself. Which I have done from time to time. So expectations are low. However, if you come from the group that has the looks, the hair, the talent, the body, then really all I can say to you is "God speed my child. God speed!"

I think we are afraid most not of what we can't achieve but of how much we can achieve. We are afraid more of the success than the failure. What if I make it? What if I over achieve? There is comfort in being mediocre. There's comfort in being the norm. No one expects more from you than you are giving so why not settle for what on the surface looks like happiness. But if you look within yourself, are you truly happy being the same?Being cast from someone else's mould?

I read on someone's wall today "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you are all the same." It may not be your fault that you are the same really. Society, environment, upbringing dictates that you be exactly the same as the person next to you on the bus. You drink the same drink, eat the same food, live in the same little boxes by the side of the street. But many of us are so dissatisfied with what we have. How we live. What we do.

Probably because for so long, you have been suppressing a potential that could make you that much more greater. The only thing that makes you...YOU. You are supressing that which makes you different because you are afraid to be different. The greatest minds in the world broke that limitation. Think about it...from the guy who created paper to the man who decided to smoke a weed in the forest. They all saw their limitations measured them against their potential and decided the potential outweighed the limitations. And that is how wheelbarrows, plastic and hip hop music were born.

Of course the biggest fear with our own power comes from the fear of failure. We are not born to be natural risk takers. We are just born to believe that we are. But the greater the risk, the greater the gain. If you can focus on the distance up instead of the drop down then imagine how much more you can achieve. Let not circumstances dictate who you are. Circumstances come and go, you however are here to stay. And you don't want to look back and think "Damn, if only..."

I'll interpret from the good book of the Lord. We don't stop walking on water because we grow weak. We start to sink because we loose focus on what is important (in Peter's case, Jesus) and start focusing on the storm around us (In our case, everything from naysayers to our own personal doubts)

In the coming year, for those who are like me and steer away from resolutions, look within yourself. Who are you? What can you achieve? What are you willing to do to realise your true potential? Are you in the right place? Of course if you think your potential is to be a serial killer, I suggest a visit to the nearest psychiatric unit and/or maybe a church highly specialised in exorcism. But the truth remains, many of us do feel like life is passing us by when truth be told, we are letting it.

Do what you have to do. Be what you need to be. If your willing to take the chance, I don't think God will let you down.


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
by Marianne Williamson

Diary of a broken hearted girl.

"How are you?"
"Good."
"How's it been?"
(fake smile) "Real good!"
"It's been a minute..how's life been treating you?"
"Fantastic. Can't complain."(even faker smile)

How do you tell people that you feel like a stranger in your own life? Like everything you are doing, everything you are saying, feels like it's been done by someone else? I asked God to fix me, you know..like really fix me. So that I can be like all those people around me who seem to be run full throttle with their lives. Like all those people who think the sound of birds singing is exciting and that the sun rising is a miracle in itself. I dread the sun rising and the birds singing irk my very soul. It just means that another day is about to beginning. That another day of faking joy and forcing smiles needs to be lived.

I used to ask God to fix me.Right after I lost the ability to fix myself (I used to be able to fix myself too.) Now I just sit and wait for something to happen. I've lost my asking power. I've lost my perseverance power. I've lost all power. I feel like I have lost everything. I feel like even He is too busy to hear those words stuck in my throat. So I sit and wait for something to happen. Anything really. Is He listening? Is He hearing me? Has anything I've said so far hit home?

My problem is not a job or a man or a car or even a roof over my head. I wish that was my problem. At least that would be a problem with a solution. My problem is me. I am broken. I feel broken. So broken that tears refuse to fall. At least then, I'd be calmer if I could at least cry. At least then, I'd know something was happening.

But nothing is happening. Going through the motions is painful. It feels fake and forced. Like everything I do should be done by someone else. Almost like I got the raw end of my life and I was not even given the simple courtesy of being involved in at the beginning. It's pitiful really. That I cannot find what is wrong. Even after probing and poking. That I cannot even find a proper direction to pursue a solution. Any solution.

I don't want anyone else's life. I don't need anyone else's moments. I just need to be fixed so that I can enjoy the little that I have. So that I can at least look back and see some semblance of peaceful existence in my past.

This is the diary of a broken-hearted girl.

Climbing Kili....The Photos......The Experience

Well, Kilimanjaro experience. What can I say? It does things to you that you never quite expected. It pushes you, it teaches you, it breaks you (or at least it broke me!). I went there thinking I would have millions of minutes of deep and life changing thoughts.....lakini wapi? I don't think I thought a decent thought for all of 5 days. It was hands down one of the most intense and most exciting experiences of my life. That is why words fail me in describing what we went through.What I went through. Enjoy the photos. They are not quite a Mutua Matheka production, but we tried!
Disclaimer: The photos might not be as visible as I'd want but hey......


A little place we were put up at on arrival. Don't be fooled, they were no men in it other than the ones I came with. I checked


The part of the mountain that we could see from our "Hotel/ Motel/ Holiday Inn....say what!!"


The gate the gate, the gate.Oh my God the gate....


Soma kwa Makini. They will only tell you once!


The general time lines and heights. Way to provide motivation people!!!!!


And the journey begins. We were almost skipping up the trail.


After a pretty drenching rain, the first peeps arrive at point 1:Mandara Huts...


I have good reason to worry deeply about my friends..Right?


Excited about another day on the trail.But I think we were more excited about the photo...tihihi!Act natural people...Act natural (Inside joke!)


The stories we could tell about a dear white friend...Infact the stories he could tell and he could tell many many stories. I shake my head!!


Our guides at the front teaching us some "Bongo Frava Frava jameni"


Point 2: Horombo hut....slightly more somber.


Acclimatization. Just to make sure your lungs and legs are still functional at the end of the day.


Supermaaaaaaaan!


To final destination....Kibo Hut!Mimi na Benja....tuko sawa. Lucy na Sakwa wanatulenga live!


Drinking pure Mt. Kilimanjaro spring water....mmmmmm....this was the last water point....That white point in the distance was the destination to hit that night. Uhuru baby!


.....before we embarked into the vast wilderness of emptiness and deep thought.


and much much more wilderness.....


Proof of facilities for all doubting Thomasinas. Up front is Hammond. you will probably not see him again since he was our official photographer!


Last check point: Kibo Hut!


Our first taste of snow and altitude sickness by those spotted kissing cold ice. Lesson for the day: The healing property of cold ice...hmmmm....


Some of my happy camping mates. Jeff and Lucy (She was my life saver all the way. Jeff also played a hand too.....)

Due to the graphic nature of the photos meant to come in this space, they shall not be posted. I shall maintain from this point on, we breezed up to the peak like fairies on a cloud. There were unicorns and little weaving birds that sang to us all the way to the top. tulululu.......We summited at 11.00 pm at night. Screams and wails were heard by many from a far...but we will never ever admit that they were from us. Never.


Me staring at the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. The Glaciers of Kilimanjaro (I made that up all by myself imagine!)


Number 1 on Uhuru. I actually hit this point with Hammond.He adamantly refused to take a photo. So I took two.One for him and and for me!


Number 3: Brian. The stories his guide could tell about their journey up;they will shock you, amaze you and then leave you in his total admiration (of the guide not the guided)and slightly embarassed (for the guided not the guide). He (the guided) however took photos for everyone he left back in Nairoberry.One for each person.


The most admirable of our lot. They tell you at the base...70% mental, 30% physical. Eric here was 150% mental and 2% physical. He experienced the climb like no one else.


The group!minus Hammond....our official Paparazzi....I'm your biggest fan dude! :D


Have you ever seen anything so pretty? It was all worth it in the end.....

It could always be worse!

So you wake up one morning and you realise that you hate your job, or more importantly your payslip...you have a bad taste in your mouth every time you enter your neighbourhood, your female/male gives you flak about everything nowadays and you and your landlord are not just on speaking terms...you are on shouting terms.Usually making a public spectacle. So what do you do? Do you give up and go practice farming in shags? Do you take a knife to your insignificant other and tell them two months later that you don't date people with scars (they put you off!)? Do you swallow your pride and move back home to mama na baba! Or better yet, you use your last remaining savings to hire goons to get your over zealous landlord. It's not that you don't love yourself, it's just that you don't much like where your life is heading or The desert it seems to have crush landed in.

Of course if we were white, we would pull an "Eat, Pray, Love" and go discover ourselves in Africa....But wait? We are in Africa,aren't we? So when Africans get fed up with life, where do they run off to? It feels like we are getting the short end of the stick here. And everyday you feel like you are picking a shorter and shorter stick. The worst thing about such days is that you keep meeting everyone who makes your life look like it should be used to make bio gas. Everyone is content with their life. They have better jobs, better pays, better boyfriends/girlfriends, more fun workmates, live in nicer hoods, drive better cars,wear better clothes. Even your fellow workmates seem to be liking their lives significantly. Everything is always green and pretty on their side of the fence.

You never notice that their bills are higher, their fights are larger, their bosses are much worse and their grass though it may look green from your angle, the grass is just yellowing at a slower rate than yours. (At least for most of them. Some are actually just doing much much better than you)The only difference between them and you is that you don't know the size of their problems. Which is just as well, because they shouldn't know yours either.

They are probably still paying for the suit they are wearing, their girlfriends made them move to a more expensive house they are finding hard to afford, their fuel guzzler was due for service a year ago and they have a boss from a corner of hell specially reserved for the likes of Hitler and Osama. At least with you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Look on the bright side of this coin. You're too broke to drink every weekend so your health is much better, you don't own a car and you don't service the jav you get on every day, you're too proud for your ego to allow you to let your insignificant other dictate where you live (Kama haku-like vile uko, dump their pretentious a*s), you're too ambitious to believe that this will be your last job and when you sleep at night, you know without a shadow of a doubt, that there is no way but up from here. That's the good thing of being at the pit. You see life so much more clearly. You believe you can't dig any lower so you start building upwards.You can only pity yourself so much before you realise that the pity is not paying your bills.

See your life is not too bad. It could be alot worse.

A resolution at a time.

So it is that time of the year where we pretend that everything is going to change while we are oh! so sure that they will remain so so much the same. Let's face it, the smokers shall continue to smoke, the drinkers shall continue to drink and those who pledged to lose 10kgs this year will probably add 5kgs. At least 90% of them will. I'm not playing devil's advocate here (at least I'm trying not to.) and I really do hope that you fall among the 10% that make resolutions that they intend to keep. But lets face it.... we are of the human breed and we barely keep our word let alone resolutions. Resolutions are a result of either too much alcohol, rest or excitement or a deadly combination of all and as such we are irrational and think we are superhuman, inhuman or some other non human form prone to good behaviour.

That is why, this year, my one and only resolution is.....wait for it.... TO GET RICH! (I told you we are prone to our own idiocy!). I have a plan to this idiotic thinking. It is not solid, it is not written in hard volcanic rock and it has not been thought out as carefully as it should be, but yes.....there is a shaky plan. I have written down all the pros of being a rich woman and promptly adviced myself against all the cons. But if you think about it critically, what really are the cons of being rich?? If you have a con, you are in serious need of a good but very cheap shrink.


Imagine this on me...I would so look good as a rich person!

So here are some of the pros that pushed me gently towards my resolution:

I'm through with standing in line
to the clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be

(tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me

(yeah, so what you need)

I'll need a, a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there done that)

Rock star- Nickleback

Anywho, on a serious note.I am not big on resolutions. I never have been. Mostly because I am not big on disappointment, least of all from me and mine so I prefer to steer away from anything that will cause me any kind of emotional discomfort. This year started with a bus load of emotional discomfort. I think I jumped the year lower than I have been in a long time. So my first reaction was to sink deeper into depression and never ever come back. (Don't think I said this before..Sorry for messing your new year!) I didn't leave my bed for days, my phone was more off than on, I was barely eating or drinking anything. After a few days of miserable existence, life had to move on. I figured the only way left to go was up. Got up, showered and went to spread my sad existence elsewhere.

Anyway, back to my resolutions. I think it takes a big blow to your psyche to realise what is worth fighting for. So this year, it took a near crush and burn for me to realise, I am worth fighting for. My resolution this year : I do me!. I have been waiting all my life for life to recognise my existence. For the world to realise that I am someone worth caring about, that I am something more than a doormat but lo! and behold!, it left me bruised and battered on the sidewalks and sped off without looking back.

So I gathered my wits around me and decided that the best and only resolution I can make for me this year is to make sure that the year is the best one yet. No more waiting for calls that will never come, no more sitting by my phone hoping something will come up, no more making excuses for everything and everyone who feels they have a right to kick me in the gut. This year, I shall have my dinner for one because I want to and not because life stood me up. It doesn't get to dictate where, how or with who I choose to live my life. It doesn't tell me where to put my money or how to use it. If I become rich along the way, then good for me....if I don't, money isn't everything. However, my life is everything to me. Literally.

This year, In my life, I reign supreme! And this B@#*h is gonna rule with an iron fist.



PS: For those who were on the wondering. Mt. Kilimanjaro........Made it to the very top baby!!! It was an awesome experience. Would I do it again....Probably not. This year, I think I will go learn how to wind surf. It's more near my altitude of comfort. See tit bits of our journey up Kili on one of my lovely friend's blogs http://ohweknow.blogspot.com/2010/12/gillmans-point-stellas-pointuhuru.html

Lovely 2011 good people!